For the last 5+ years, a large part of my therapy has been focused on learning healthy behaviours - with an internal goal of being a better potential mother to my future children. I was sexually abused by my family, and I know all about the cycle of abuse (my father was abused by his mother, etc.).
I've made great headway in my healing, and my life, for once feels stable and healthy. And though I've even begun the task of looking through books on parenting, pre-pregnancy preparation, pregnancy, etc, I've found that I'm still just outright terrified of the unknown of being a parent. I know logically that I am as prepared for children as I can get (minus striking it rich somehow). I know logically that my fear of being a bad or abusive parent is actually a good sign that I *won't* be a bad parent. In my experiences with young children in the last decade, I've never hurt a single one, or been tempted to.
I know that all my fears are logical and normal, but I wanted to know if any of you had any advice or wisdom to share. How has being a survivor impacted you as a parent? Was there anything in particular to help you cope with the frustrations of children and parenting? Was there any particular book that helped you, etc?