I hardly post here, but I just had to tonight. I've been in a mild state of anxiety today on and off. I passed by a building today and out came the biological father of my child, who is usually dressed well with his tan and hair perfected in a pair of sweats in a group of people.
Hi- I found this community because I am struggling with something that happened a long time ago. It is stupid and it is anniversary time and I have realized how much these events have shaped my life and the relationships that I have. I would appreciate any feedback and comments that you care to make.
When you make an offhand remark about your abuser(s). For example "Hmmm I don't really like ______." And the person you're talking to is like "oh, well ___ isn't that bad. He/she is probably really nice, you should give them another chance" or something to that effect.
For example, Saturday night when I was at the movies. Date with some random guy because I just broke up with my boyfriend. Eventually the topic of my mother is going to come up, right? Right. Happens all the time. I never get into it or anything, but I say that I hate her. Which is true. So the guy is like "Awww, I'm sure she's a nice person. You'll probably get along with her when you're older."
Which brings up something else I was thinking about-- do y'all ever feel that until someone knows your "story" (as called in the community), then they'll never really know you? I dunno... I just feel like that all the time... I feel like no one really knows who I am because they don't know what happened to me. It's almost like...your best friend should know when your birthday is. It's just one of those things. So I kind of feel like I'm the one who no one knows well enough to know when her birthday is. Sorry, that probably didn't make sense.
*deep breath* ok. so. This is kind of hard for me. I did some community-searching because I think I need to talk about this to someone...or to something, yay LJ. I actually created a new LJ account for the sake of joining this group because I don't want people to find this--I've never talked about this to anyone, not even my closest friends or boyfriend, so I thought maybe this would be a good idea. Really I just don't know what else to do. I guess no one will really read this but still...
I think this is the right community for me! I grew up in a dysfunction alcoholic dad with controlling, blackmailing mother. Was molested as a child by a family friend. And managed to snag a guy with problems to get pregnant by. We tried getting back together in 2003 which lasted till 12/31/04 when he went on another tantrum about how I don't care about him because I haven't lost 60 pounds, gotten the house organized, etc. He told me I had to come down to his place on the weekends with our daughter or he would not give me any support with our daughter. I couldn't call him for help or to come up to her ballet. So I suffered through the verbal abuse, the intense badgering and pressure for sex but finally last weekend I had enough. He's been sending me horrid emails all week and calls.
From what I've told mental health professionals they think he's a sex addict, alcoholic, has control issues and is narcissistic personality disorder. I'm going to see a counselor that does EMDR next week and am working with a counselor every week. But I need support in this recovery. He was the only support I had and it seemed like he was a caring person but slowly the abuse started creeping in. Now I need to recover from him and my parents!
hi! am new here. am somewhat nervous to post, but at the same time i know i need to connect. so here i am. my story (the basics) is below, in prose form. it was easier for me to express that way. i still have trouble articulating things. things were done to me from as little as i can remember (not remember?) until about 9 years old on pretty much a weekly basis. after that ended, i was taken advantage of by almost every boyfriend i ever had afterwards...very traumatized. i am 25 now and married and trying to learn how to overcome. it makes for a really difficult intimate life. i am not in counseling, though i realize i need it. i did have a couple sessions before i had to move, where they thought i had PTSD...i think i do too. and i have a lot of trouble dissociating and such. my journal, if anyone wants to follow more closely on my journey, is 99% about my current dealings with my sexuality and struggles. i would appreciate any feedback if anyone wants to go through my stuff and relate with me. i need some positive reinforcement it seems. warning though, it is full of triggers and can be pretty explicit...so i don't recommend anyone under 18 reading it. i'm looking forward to being a part of this community though. it's nice to meet others like me and be mutually supportive. please comment :) i need you :) thanks, Melissa