My appointment was this morning. This is from my live journal. It's about everyhthing that happened this morning. I want to thank you guys so much for all of your help. You're support and relating to how I was feeling really did help so much. I can't imagine how bad it would've been if it weren't for you guys. :)
Well, I had my appointment this morning. I had only gotten three hours of sleep and I was so nervous on the way there I got some cramps that were so bad they almost felt menstrual. :P Anywho...I got there and the lady came in, she seemed really nice. Then she asked me what I was here for (I hate in when they do that, it's on the paper...why can't they just start the convo w/ that). So I went to talk to her and I almost started balling. So my mom had to talk for me. I knew that was going to happen. :/ Then when I calmed down some she started asking me questions. She said she wouldn't even think about putting me on birth control for hormones because I'm depressed, and birth control causes depression. So that was ruled out. Then she asked what I was usual depressed about...and I told her it was pretty much centered around my sexual assault four years ago. I could tell she felt bad for me and wanted to help. So, she asked if I had ever been to couseling and I told her no. She said that I really should and that she would get me a referal for the behavior health clinic. So she got that right away...and I have an appointment there next month on the sixth at 9 o' clock. I'm nervous about that too, but I'm not going to think about it until I have to. :) It's about a month away.
So I got home and filled out all this paper work they gave me. I had to fill out this questioner thingy, and at the end I have to tally up my score. Each answer I picked has a number. I scored highest under the "ID" category...whatever that one stands for. Then there was a bunch of other stuff to fill out too.
When I got home I was so stressed out. I just realized...I think this whole thing scared/ scares me so much because it's conferming, I'm admitting, I have I problem. I knew I did, but I didn't want to confirm it...but at the same time I wanted to fix it. Confusing...but do you know what I mean?
Is was is a terrible mood when I got home. I was stressed out and frustrated, that caused me to get super grouchy...by stomach ache was still there. Then I got a head ache because I was so tired. So I took a nap. I slept for about four hours. I'm still tired though...and I feel very drained. I feel like I took a step, but I'm still extremely down. I guess it's normal. But I'm moving in the right direction I think. It's just going to be hard for a while.
So...that's how my day's gone so far. Oh, btw, they didn't have to do the pap test because they weren't putting me on birth control. The only reason they would've done it is if they were going to put me on that. Would've been nice if someone had told me that before, I wouldn't have been quite so worried about it. :/
So yeah. Not as panicked any more, but still kinda down, drained, and tired. Later I'm going to go to tae kwon do. Maybe the workout and hanging out will help some. We'll see.