Tags: molestation


(no subject)

More of my 'cleansing writing', uhmm contains triggers of abusive violence and molestation. Thankyou for such a positive response to my first piece.

This is just as a mental cleanser for myself, really. Get it out.

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  • mianme

I hate feeling like this

I know I shouldn't stress about this, but I do every year.
I should just do what I want and forget what other people think. But I think that my need to please and not let anyone down really makes this hard. I feel guilty and I shouldn't.

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So, what do I do?
Do I get him a gift? Do I ignore him? Do I do nothing?

(no subject)

After years of repression I finally am going through therapy to deal with the molestation that occurred for years while I was a child. I have a great counselor, family, life, etc... but at times I still feel lonely. My main support group was my ex-girlfriend who broke up with me and now even though I am dealing, I still feel overwhelmed, almost floundering in the pain sometimes. I refuse to quit because quite frankly this is what I wanted, and am already seeing and knowing the results. The real reason I'm posting: To know I'm not alone, and may be make friends. I'm Leah, and I'm 22. I live in North East Ohio. I'm in college right now and am home for the summer working. I'm proud of not only myself, but everyone else as well. Take care!

Will it ever end?

You know... it's hard enough dealing with my own memories and pain from my assault. I mean... it wasn't so bad when I still had everything blocked off. But, I unlocked that a while ago. I can't lock it back up again. I have accept that I can't get away from it. I still remember that day. I kinda gave up, stopped fighting and accepted that I would be constantly haunted. It's my curse for life.

Sooo.... not only do I have my own experience... I get to hear about others. I'm sensitive about it... so to me, it's everywhere. I notice all of it. It pissed me off, makes me feel trapped, makes me upset. I sometimes just close up.

It's weird when I trigger. It's like, I want to be held because I'm upset, but I do not want to be touched. Like, even my mom. She'll try to give me a hug, but I just freak out. I can't imagine how that must make her feel. =(

I remember being 12 and walking the dog, or being in the laundry room and knowing he was going to be there. He always was, even when I told him I didn't want to see him. I remember a couple times he would restrain me. Always hard enough to keep me from moving, but just light enough so I wouldn't bruise. He would make me kiss him good bye. I had to touch his dick. I remember one time I did get my hands lose and was able to move his hands. I remember EVERTHING. The emotional memories... being scared and confused. Knowing I couldn't tell anyone. Those hurt the most.

I remember I only telling because I didn't care what happened to me. I had NOTHING to lose, nothing to live for. So, I might as well tell. Then I also remember when the cop got done interrigating him and he came out of the builing... I was hiding in a bush. He saw me. Then he gave me this look like he wanted to kill me. It was scary, and for some reason, I will always remember that.

I really have come such a long way from then. When, I look back on it I really have. My panic attacks and flashbacks aren't that bad anymore. I know how to handle them and work through them. I understand everything a lot better. But yeah... this still bothers me. I hate feeling trapped and no matter what, never being able to get away.

I'm a free spirit, you could say. I'm stubborn... I don't like knowing that I'm going to always be limited by this. It kills me. I just want to be normal and happy. But, I can't.

I just need to keep learning how to deal with this. How to let it go. Then hopefully it'll bother me even less. I just needed to vent. I just want to get away. I can't though. I don't like knowing that. >.

(no subject)

i only recently found this community through looking in my sister's lj friends page. i never realized there were actual lj communities out there helping victims of such abuse. thank you to all who started it. my sister and i were both molested by our uncle at young ages. it helped throughout my childhood that my mom and sister were always there for me, and my dad knew but never pressed it. now that most of our family knows it's nice to have such love and support. my sister and i were blessed to be surrounded by loving aunts who have protected us from worse. thank you for making this community for survivors to come to.