Tags: independence


Weekly thought-stirring question: Isolation

Abuse thrives on silence and isolation. All types of abusers often use isolation as a means to secure themselves in a position of power. Whether it's being controlling and keeping you separate from friends or family, or if it's a date rapist separating you from your usual group of friends - many abusers use isolation as a tool to continue abusing others.

Isolation removes us from outside perspectives on our situation. Since so much of abuse is perpetuated with secrets and silence, isolating a person can make it all the more difficult for someone who's being abused to recognize the abuse and get away from it.

So often, people stay in abusive situations because we are unsure or where we could go to get away from it, or we're unsure if we're being abused. Over time, that isolation almost becomes programmed into our minds: we separate ourselves off from others either because we feel we can't talk about our abuse, or we feel that others don't want us around.

Long after the abuse has stopped, survivors often isolate themselves either because of a lack of trust in people, or because they feel they are somehow tainted by the abuse they've survived. Many survivors often feel that they need to wear a "happy mask" with friends and family, which causes them to feel even more isolated - that they will not or cannot be accepted as who they are as a whole.

So this week's questions will focus on how you were isolated in your abuse, how you continue to be isolated, and to find constructive ways to overcome some aspect of your isolation.

- How were you isolated by your abuser? How did that isolation prevent you from getting help and support?
- Do you feel isolated in parts of your life now? How so? Are you being isolated by others, or are you more driven to isolate yourself?
- What ways do you think you could feel less isolated and more connected?

Im new =)

- What independence did you lose after surviving abuse?
I lost the ability to be open with people. The freedom of emotion, of sexuality, the freedom of not wondering whos waiting outside my window at night.

- What pieces of independence have you already regained?
A strength I continue to not realize I have. When everything is gone, faith/hope/trust in those who should take care of me, I am left at night with that which I did not know I had. I have become a survivalist.

and this week's bonus question:
- What sort of independence are you working towards now?
relationship growth, not being afraid of being touched or loved. Its hard and im not doing very well at it

answers to this week's questions...

 answers to this week's questions...

What independence did you lose after surviving abuse?

I can't drive a car, I can't find a job because I'm afraid of how people will percieve me. Mainly "wierd". I only feel comfortable around other survivors and that is so sad. I want to be independant but I don't know how to be because I have so much to fear.

What pieces of independence have you already regained?

I can now conduct buisness over the phone which is a huge step for me as far as figuring out some of the bills around the house.

What sort of independence are you working towards now?

I'd like to finally be able to drive a car, get a job, have a career that means something. I have a wonderful husband that takes care of me but I'd like to take care of him too. One of my biggest dreams is buying a fishing boat for my husband. But because he always takes care of me but it seems that I'll never be able to make that dream come true for him. That is what I'd really like to do. Buy something special for my husband as a thank you for all of the years he gave back to my life through his understanding and support.
Energy burst

Thought stirring question of the week

For so many survivors, some of the most difficult parts of recovery is regaining your independent. Whether you've had one or many experiences with trauma, there is so much we need to do to become independent. We need to leave our abusers or find a safe place to live, we need to understand the process of therapy, processing memories and feelings, and re-learn how to exist in the world. Whether it's finding your financial independence or your emotional independence, many of us struggle at times to feel as though we can be in control over our own lives again.

For many of us, we make several journeys to independence. Starting small, piece by piece, we can reclaim our lives, our happiness, and our self-confidence. Though it may take time, and a lot of work, we take each step towards the small independence pieces so that we can feel whole and able to care for ourselves.

So this week's question is:
- What independence did you lose after surviving abuse?
- What pieces of independence have you already regained?

and this week's bonus question:
- What sort of independence are you working towards now?

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Cat nap peace

Weekly thought stirring

From time to time, all of us need time and space just to ourselves. Whether it's to take some time to care for yourself or just to get away from all of the people of the world, taking time that's just for us is very important to our healing. When we're by ourselves we can take time to process our thoughts, we can enjoy the freedom of spontaneity or the comfort of a familiar schedule.

Sometimes it can be tough to enjoy time by ourselves, as we so often crave healthy love and friendship - but when it all falls into place, having time to enjoy yourself can be the ultimate in self-soothing and showing yourself a bit of love. Having this positive alone-time can help build confidence, process feelings and memories easier, and lower your stress level. Also important is knowing when you need alone time, and making sure that you get the time you need.

Positive alone time comes back to boundary-setting sometimes, in that we need to ensure we get the time we need - even if it means asking for an hour or two of alone time from friends or family.

So this week's questions are:
- When do you need alone time? Do you most often need it after a busy day or do you prefer a small amount of alone time every day?
- What do you most enjoy doing that alone time? Whether it's just watching a movie, reading a book, or pampering yourself, what makes you feel the best?

Bonus Question:
- How has positive alone-time helped you in your recovery?

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So feel free to jump in and share your answers

(no subject)

tonite my boyfriend said :"u know how ur all shy and quiet?  Well i think we have a great thing we can do to make you come out more...u can be my witness in court about my ticket"

Shy is something i've always tried not to be.  I'm very analytical.  Since i was molested i have a bad habit of attracting pple that want use me and and i let them in my life because i would like to overcome them, but i never feel satisfied when i do.  He brought up what a loner i've become.

But i feel like a productive loner...i dont know if theres a such thing.  Humans are pack rats.  I just don't trust easy anymore.

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