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_Survivors_
A safe space to share stories and ask questions
 
19th-Aug-2007 02:03 pm - Bad Mood
Not sure how I feel at the moment. Just feeling blah. No, take that back. Feeling a little bad about myself
6th-Jul-2007 07:01 pm - Too Afraid To Let Go
Talk of drinking, loneliness, abandonment issues, and being upset at work.
read more...Collapse )
30th-Dec-2006 11:40 pm(no subject)
Found out why my boyfriend was so upset.

His friends told him that I had slept with his best friend.

He kept begging me to tell him that it wasn't true. (It isn't, obviously.) He said he was so upset that he doubted our relationship, and swore up and down that he had never cheated on me.

I'm upset that his friends did this. I can't figure out why they would - I've met them, they're okay guys, and they seemed to like me. How on earth could it get switched around like that? My boyfriend is the only guy I've found to be attractive in a very long time - how could they do that? How could they use me as a weapon against him like that?

I'm thinking about approaching them tomorrow when they're sober. Maybe if they see that I won't put up with those lies, they will stop spreading them...

What did I do to deserve this?
29th-Dec-2006 01:47 pm(no subject)
well, I knew it was too good to be true... Bryan and I broke up last night because I found out that he tried to pick up my cousin (she didn't know we were dating so I knew she was actually telling the truth) so I asked him and he denied it at first, but then he finally admitted it to me, and I told him, "If you are going to try to cheat on me at least make sure they're not related to me first you dumb ass!" and then that was that he tried to call back to my moms but my mom told him where to go with his phone call lol.. it was actually kind of funny... haha and in a weird sort of way it made me feel a little connected to my mom...?... Which is really weird because we typically don't get along or feel "connected" hmm oh well..
I've been in a good place lately. I passed through my two or three weeks of icky mentalness and came out on the other side feeling very clear headed. I also discovered why I have been feeling so flu like and tired for three months. Getting that sorted out does WONDERS for ones mindset. The verdict is: newly developed adult allergies. I have a new respect for allergy sufferers. I had no idea it could make you feel like you have the worst flu of your life. So I am on two meds and doing some holistic stuff and I feel 90% better. The first day the meds kicked in I was so crystal clear and wanted to dance.

nothing triggering, just a long story about relationship being tested Collapse )

I'm still feeling better about us, I am just frustrated with our different views, and I want change to come faster than a crawl. At least we are good to eachother during this crawl.
26th-Oct-2006 11:43 am - oh god I am an ass
My partner and I talked about therapy. I asked if she had called anyone on the list and she said no, she keeps forgetting. I asked if there was anything making her hesitate, and she repeated that she just forgets. Then she started making up an excuse about how she doesnt even know if she should be thinking about that now because winter is coming and our heat bills will be rising. I called her on that because we go out to eat several times a week and drop more than what the copay would cost. She said good point and said she'd call.
The next day we were out driving and I brought up something I had been thinking about my therapy and my anger. This lead her to bring up finding one herself. She said she didn't want to call until we were sure she was covered. I've been paying for insurance for both of us for 3 months and she is in the university records, we just haven't recieved new insurace cards. So I assumed she is covered and I got defensive about her making what I thought to be more excuses. I was panicy and got mad. I asked if once I called HR she would call a therapist. "Maybe" was her answer.
We didn't have a fight, but we had a strong conversation about how its discouraging and it is easy for me to take this as another procrastination when she is already avoiding her student loans and procrastinating on calling the university to finalize the degree for her paperwork. We ended it with us both quiet and her saying she'd call. Within an hour we were talking again and had a decent night playing cards. Only slight tension.

So today I called HR and the university has record of her, they have been charging me, but the insurance provider never got notified to add her. Now I feel like an ass, she was right about that point. It makes me feel bad for treating it like another excuse (though it may really have been an avoidance tactic). Who knows. Blah. I want to balance on the fine line of motivating her to get help without being a bully.

And my boss sent me a bad email today, so I'm not doing so hot. This week has really gotten me wound up. Gotta keep it in check so I don't do things to wind myself up any tighter.
21st-Aug-2006 06:07 pm - long time

i've missed u guys so much theres so much i need to fill u in on but it needs to be under a lj cut but this computer won't let me so i have to wait till thrusday to fill u in on everything. i have a new boy friend again he's really nice but has an anger problem an short temper. last night him an i got into a seriously bad fight to the point where i wanted to end it. i wanna cut so bad but have been trying not to for my god son. i'm still in a really depressed state also just b/c of everything else going on. i'm no longer able to see racheal or do anything with her, she's become a really bad influence on me and my sis. last night i told my mom that rach an des had smoked (weed) which i feel really bad doing it but des is only 13. i have been calling my self a slut, peice of shit. an saying just fucking shot me. i hate myself and have no respect for my self. i don't want to be here anymore i just wanna die. i called my counsler an made an appointment with her for tomorrow. hopefully after that i will be doing a little better. i have skewl registration tomorrow too i'm dreading with a passion but i gotta go for no this is some of the stuff going on once we get  our computer hooked back up again then i can tell the rest i hope everyone is doing good if not excallent but gtta go bye

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