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13th-Jul-2006 01:07 pm - I'm feeling scared......
So, I've fallen back into my normal routine. Basically ignoring everything that happened and my feelings surrounding it. You know what.....it feels nice not to think about it....but only for so long. There's a saddness that hangs over my head at all times. When I look back and read my journals, I realize how long I have been depressed. As some of you may remember, I did try to find a therepist only to be told by my insurance company that can not cover it until febuary of 2007 becuase it is a pre-existing condition. I have my name on a waiting list with one free service agency in town.

below cut: ranting about fear
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dog, joyride
Have you ever had one of those dreams where it isn’t a nightmare, per say, but worse, because rather than just bringing out abject fear or terror, it unearths the hidden truth of your experiences?

may be triggeringCollapse )

I discovered a lot since I wrote this out. I made connections to actual memories that I had forgotten completely about (or more accurately, blocked out). I understand the nature of my feelings of betrayal now that I'm going forward with this whole thing. Not that I had forgotten the things he had said or done, but I'd buried the horrible emotions associated with these experiences.

I highly recommend keeping a dream journal for this reason.
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