So, I'm nearing the end of my first month of an outpatient treatment program - I start week four on Tuesday night (Monday is a holiday here). While therapy itself is interesting, I'm still nowhere near actually connecting to my emotions when I speak about my history.

( Non-graphic mention of child abuse, rape, self-harm, suicidal ideation & other stuffCollapse )
I hope everyone here is doing well. *hugs* to you who need it. Thanks for reading.

thank you all for the replies to my last post. the CT scan was not the scary kind. i got the contrast injected but i don't mind needles & that kind of pain. thanks again.

the rest is cut for anxiety regarding the other, upcoming doctor appointment

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thank you all for being here.
i hope you are safe and healthy and happy (and for those whom it applies, warm!)

Originally posted bygloraelin

( Cut for possible triggers: med question, feeling weak/like a failureCollapse )

Hey everyone, thank you for the responses. They help. :)

After the insistent urging, I finally did schedual an appointment with the Gyno- they put me in for tomorrow morning at 11:45 am. I'm really nervous about going to a new doctor. 0_0 so good energies would be appreciated! Thank you!

i'm gonna cut this just in case it's alot about whats going on i need help this also might be triggering but i don't know

Okay...all week I've tried to be happy and brave. It's worked 'till tonight, now I'm scared has heck. My first appointment EVER sense my assault four years ago is TOMORROW MORNING. I don't know what's going to happen. I think that's why I'm so nervous. I was pushing all my memories away this week too, and now they're coming back. I'm trying not to fight it, but I don't want to hurt. ::sigh:: I think I'm worrying too much and overreacting. I just hope it goes okay. I think I'm also scared they won't know what to do and nothing will change. Ack...I dunno. :P I needa hug!