Tags: dissociation

Hope

One year at a time...

Yeah, she gives a smile when the pain comes, the pain's gonna make everything alright... She wears a cross around her neck... and the cross is someone she has not met, not yet...


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I got a new tattoo a couple weeks ago... in addition to the outline of the star on my left foot, I had a teal-colored ribbon and the word "Survivor" in black. Along with "HOPE" on the back of my neck, it gives me something tangible to focus on during the tough times.
Trust

(no subject)

I made some great progress in therapy today.

I haven't been going that long, so really, my therapist is just getting to know me and the situations that caused me to need therapy.

In all previous sessions, we've kind of tiptoed around my molestation and abuse, but today we really started to work through it. It was too hard for me to talk about, so she asked me if it was okay if I wrote a bit down. I did that - not details, you know - I'm not at that point yet - but just a general overview, so she knows how best to help me. I was able to do it, which made me proud of myself.

Also, for the first time, I'm happy my abuse/molestation happened the way it did. That sounds kind of strange, but what I mean by that is, that by law, she doesn't have to report it, because the age difference was not significant enough to be considered under law. That was a great relief to me, because I've been worried about the law getting involved. It's a loophole that I'm glad exists, because I can get all the treatment and such that I need without having to constantly worry about saying something that may make her realize that she has to report it.

We also talked a bit about disociation, which was also very much needed. I had figured out on my own that I had probably disociated during my abuse/molestation, and that I have been disociating regularly during my recovery. She was able to confirm that, because she noticed that I was starting to disociate, even when I wasn't aware of it. It's so weird, how people will notice that I'm "spacing out", and I won't even realize it until they tell me...

So anyhow, I'm just glad I made progress, and even though right now I'm having the "must get worse before it gets better" aftereffects of talking with her, I'm glad I did. She asked me if I would be okay dealing with them, and I said that I would... and I am. I'll get through it...

Not sure if this made all that much sense, but I'm just glad to be able to say that I've made progress. It's been a while since I have, and finally moving three steps forward instead of the usual one-forward-two-back is certainly motivating.