I'm new here. I've been watching and reading for a while though waiting until I worked up enough courage to join. So a little about me.... I'm 21 years old. I've been raped twice. I've been a victim of sexual assault on 8 different occassions. I've been in 3 abusive relationships that each included emotional, physical, or sexual abuse. My bad days are outnumbering my good days anymore. But I'm here. Every day I wake up is another day that I get to try to find myself again.
I want to thank everyone for being welcoming and supportive, especially to someone coming from a different place as the partner of a survivor. I've enjoyed entering this community. I joined one other community with less promising results. I got only one comment and it was someone telling me to end the relationship. People like to give up when things get too hard. Though I do ask if she can make the progress she needs to make while being romantically involved with anyone. But I think that as supportive as we are and that she moved to a strange place for me (She moved with me a year ago so I could go to grad school), I think her recovery would be better with my full support as a partner trying to respect boundaries.
We live with a great deal of hope, all of us here have to I'd imagine. Hope keeps the heart beating. My girlfriend and I had a few days off together and she was so sweet to me on my birthday. It reminds me of the connection we do still have. We talked of what the future could be and that refreshes my hope.
Some days I dont handle it so well. Some days I am very depressed. These days its good though. I suprised myself by getting a bit drunk and not breaking down on her. Sometimes alcohol will bring up feelings I can't control. Usually the fear and sadness. Then I'll cry and she will shut down. But this time I was okay, and she talked, I didn't. It's so refreshing when she talks about her head because she's usually so stoic about it. I really hope she goes through with therapy in the fall.
Anyway, thanks again. And I'd like to be here for everyone here in anyw ay that I can.
I have Allies in Healing, which I will start reading. I've read Ghosts in the BEdroom, which was great, very compassionate and well written. I'd recommend it to any of your partners dealing with the same thing.
(I posted this a couple days ago in my own journal, but I wanted to share it with people who might have a better understanding of where it comes from.. and why I needed to write it.. My ex and i were together for several years, but I'm sure that's a story told here far too often.. and instead of looking back, I look ahead. This does have my daughter's name in it, I'm not planning to edit it out unless it's a major problem for people.. )