_Survivors_

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Hi guys. Sorry i haven't been around for some time, i hardly ever get internet access where i am and i am sorry to be here asking for support when i haven't been able to give any. I do think of you often and hope everyone is doing ok.

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I just needed to get some of ths out for some one else to see. Thanks fo reading

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That is really all though. I just wanted to update everybody who reads.
BBFN!
~a

I'm so lost...one of my ex's e-mailed me on myspace a couple of days ago. I can't believe he finally found me. I've been trying to avoid him ever since I broke up with him. I feel like I'm going to have another panic attack writing this....but I have to get it all out.

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I tried to talk to my counselor about it but all she said was "flattery is good for anyone"...just because he said i was looking good as always....i just don't know.....

And now he's talking to my brother....I knew he would find a way back into my life....damn him...why can't anyone just listen to me...first my therapist...now my brother.

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Is it OK that I want to be friends with my ex-fiance, even though he was a monster to me.

I feel like bad blood is just going to curse my life and I spent forever and a day with the guy- I feel like we deserve to have a friendship. Shit, even Pam and Tommy Lee have a friendship!

He probably makes a better friend than he does a boyfriend/fiance/husband. like, the women in my group yesterday have some REALLY serious situations. I don't want us to be like that.

let me know what you think!

Divya

my rapist wanted to add me as a friend on facebook.
I deleted the email...but now I am wondering do i email him? I want to be angry and say everything I have ever wanted to say. But then what?

God, I am hurting so badly and I have no clue what to do.
I slept 2 hours last night and I can't do it again.

Today I got a call from my landlord.  He called about the rent. He needed it by noon!  I called John (my ex-fiance who i had to relocate across the country from.)  He was mean, showed no sign of remorse for what he'd done, and eventually hung up on me.  I was just crying like the whole conversation.  It sucks 'cos I have no closure on this relationship at ALL.  The idiot has my address here, as well.  I'm so pissed at his dad for giving him my address.  SO PISSED.  I guess his dad has no idea what had really happened, afterall.  

I asked John to tell me he's sorry, but he wouldn't.  He said "I'm taking care of the rent and shipping you your shit. that's sorry enough.  what will it take to get it through your skull I will never tell you I'm sorry."  He said earlier that just 'cos he's not saying it doesn't mean he isn't.  He just said he'd never tell me.

He tried to make me out to be the bad guy for bailing.  What else was I to do, though?  (Those of you who read my story will understand, I'm sure.)

Have y'all ever, out of necessity, contacted your abuser and then regretted it?  What was it like?  Why are they so hostile?  Why do they make us out to be bad?  What can I expect to happen now?  I'm heart-broken ALLLL over again.