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23rd-Dec-2006 01:45 pm(no subject)
I think this is the first time that I've posted in this community, but I have been lurking for a long time. I felt that I should post because I feel that I'm starting to have some issues with my past once again. This is my story, copied from another entry. It's sometimes too much to try and write it all out again.

My Former relationshipCollapse )

my concernCollapse )
3rd-Jul-2006 05:59 pm - Contributions for an Art Piece
ali and lilo
Hello all!

I've just recently been inspired to create a few different art pieces as part of my healing process, and I'm hoping for your input!

LJ-cut just in case...Collapse )
25th-Feb-2006 07:16 am(no subject)
So...yesturday...my firend Chris came over....he skipped school and was over at 730am.
So..everythign was ok..for a while. we watched alot of movies and just sat on my bed...than the idiot started putting the moves on me..
Ok..I went out with this kid for a whole summer and a few months in Freshman year..he knows my past, he knows his boundries and his limits..but yet he still pushed them and STILL tries to get farther.
It fucking makes me angry and sad and im NOT ok with it.God dman him. After he left I just cried adn I ended upp cutting becuase it felt like it did with my brother. I hate it I hate it and im so sorry.
Im a tease...actually I was ...Im so sorry, ill stop, I swaer. Im sorry im so so sorry.
12th-Feb-2006 04:50 pm - my story..
this is really scattered and explicit.. probably quite triggering.. my story is not nearly as bad as some of those that i have read, but i needed to share it.. the only other person i have told in a serious way is my girlfriend, and she doesnt like to hear any details because it weirds her out.. anyone else i have told it was in a "what weird things did you do as a kid" way.. and i never told the whole story.. only that we kissed.. and never that they did it first, and told me that i had to.

truth or dare - triggering.. im sorry.Collapse )
17th-Dec-2005 03:49 pm - the first part of my story
not only have i been raped once, but it's happened twice. and there seems to be a cycle going on. however, i only feel comfortable talking about the first incident. i wrote about what happened to me in a college newspaper, so i guess that was a sign i was able to cope. but i was made somewhat anonymous. here i go:

part 1: the high school incidentCollapse )

the thing now is that with the second incident, it triggered memories from the first incident, feelings that i thought i had gotten past. on top of that, i decided last month that i wasn't gonna get involved with anyone else until i started counseling or therapy. as my luck would have it, when i'm not looking for anyone, someone always seems to find me. there is this guy that i'm really liking and i was really trying to fight the fact that i have feelings for him only 3 weeks into getting to know him. we went out Monday and he told me that he felt this connection between us. i was so caught off guard, although my guard was up. i broke down on Thursday and told him i liked him, too. however, i feel like if i let him get anywhere near my heart, he's gonna hurt me. i feel i need to tell him that. but all of this is so scary. i told him i was scared to tell him i liked him because i thought it was too soon for me to be liking him only three weeks in. i need advice on what to do. are we still moving too fast? how do i tell him what happened to me without scaring him? well, he did tell me that in time, i could ask anything of him. i'm just confused.
10th-Dec-2005 01:55 pm(no subject)
ali and lilo
Many thanks to everyone who responded so supportively to my last post. I really do appreciate it.

I've reposted my story below for reference b/c I couldn't figure out how to link to my previous post.

In response to your comments:

I'm still trying to work out the things my therapist said. On one hand, she has a point - my sexual abuse experiences were not physically forced. There was a lot of negative emotional training and lack of self-worth stuff that went into it. The events of my upbringing/childhood that led to my inability to stand up for myself as well as my lack of understanding that I had the option to do so make a lot of sense in the "lack of personal choice" context. I could make the argument that I was really young (14-16) when the majority of the instances occurred, or that I didn't realize that there was a distinction between love and taking part in sexual relationships, or a hundred other things that influenced those situations.


It doesn't erase the fact that I did have *some* responsibility for the situations. I could have chosen to throw my partner off me, demand the respect I deserved, and discontinued dating the person until I received the level of respect that felt good to me. Could I have verbalized that at the time? Probably not. But I did help to create the situations in which I found myself, if not when I was younger, the ones when I was in Mexico and in college, definitely. I made the choice to value staying with that person over my personal comfort. That was my choice. Does that absolve my partners from blame? HELL NO! Does that mean that my therapist wasn't insensitive in how she choice to discuss the topic? Absolutely not. But it does mean that I did have a degree of responsibility in the sexual abuse I have lived through, and that is something I must come to terms with.

Thanks again, all, for the love. I extend it all right back at you.

My StoryCollapse )
11th-Aug-2005 08:12 pm - Can I die yet?
Graffic and detailed...
Read more...Collapse )
4th-Apr-2005 04:12 pm - My Story...
butch with cigar
I've posted here before, but not with my actual storyCollapse )

But...Collapse )

Has anyone here had this problem, or gone through hypnotherapy? What was it like... what could I expect? Any advice?

I'd appreciate any input you might have.

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