_Survivors_

very triggery - cut for BDSM triggers, assignments, allusions to abuse history, shrink not believing me, negating my lifestyle, not believing me and not helping with my meds. also swearing.

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Keeping this in a positive perspective……

 

For those of us that are into, or have been apart of the leather scene (I’m at work none of those words on the computer for me…yeah know.) ; do you think that there is a connection for you why you can do leather with some people and not others?

I was physically/sexually abused and neglected as a child. As an adult I feel I've come to terms with most of it. There's just one thing I'm disturbed about - my taste for rough sex. I can't help but think that my violent past helped form my sexual identity, and as a result I "get off" on being victimized... and that disturbs me enough that I have problems climaxing with my boyfriend during "normal" lovemaking. I want to tell him to get rough with me, but I'm afraid I'm a freak for seemingly wanting to relive my past.

Does anyone have any similar experiences, or know of any good sources for information on this? Surely there have been studies done regarding sexual abuse and its effect on adult sexuality.

Thank you.