I posted yesterday. I fear I will be posting a hell of alot in this community.( cut for... rape, [graphic] description of abuse, forced abortion, schizophrenia, delusions, brief mention of father/daughter incestCollapse )
Thanx for reading.
If there's anything that should be in the cut that I missed, I'm so sorry and if you comment I will change it straight away.
Hello to all. I am new to the community here. I thought I should take the time to introduce myself. As I am now, I am very happily married to my best friend, currently applying to school again for the fall to finish my BA. I've taken some time off to travel and be with my husband. I was in a volatile relationship, once upon a time, and I feel like it is time for me to talk about it. To get it out. So, for all who care to read, here is my story.
This isn't immediately relevant, but I believe it could be of help or interest for people who read this community.
I'm sure most of you are fully aware of the illegalisation of abortion in South Dakota in all cases apart from risk to the life of the mother. This means that victims of rape, incest, or other forms of abuse can't get an abortion should they become pregnant. What's more, it is likely that this illegalisation will spread.
I'm aware that feelings about women's rights over their bodies are varied, but I believe that this is a very bad thing. Women most at risk in society are not being protected.
There are many things that we can do in response to this. The most important is to spread the word that this has happened, and express rage so people know that we are not happy. Another response has been the creation of groups to offer support as needed. One of these that seems particularly helpful is The Roe Depot Message Board
. Spread and use that link as needed. Right now I'm kicking myself in my impotency as a Brit stuck over here.
I hope that all our sisters in South Dakota are ok. A lot of people are thinking of you right now.
so on another note.......yesterday i REALLY REALLy didn't want to go to the therapy session. i have been really frustrated and confused lately..
half of me is proud of how far i have come limiting my drinking, and the other half still thinks i could do way better. (for the circumstances, bars and keggers, i guess im doing pretty well).
also, half of me is scared to uncover things that hurt me... ( Read more...Collapse )
so i guess that just feel
derpressed and frustrated...
confused and agrivated.
hopeless and doubtful..
i duno thank goodness for this LJ it feel soooo good to get out everythign that i hold inside allllll the time
i just really dont feel like anyone around me really knows how i feel and like can really relate to me... i feel like i have just seen too much... been through too much trauma and experienced far more than my amazing friend aly or some of the other people who might think they are like me..
on the outside... i look like the nickname my friend in high school gave me... "innocent one".
but on the inside i am screammmming to be understood. and accepted for who i really am , flaws and all... and i just want to find people like myself... my life is not the All American story book white picket fence that my neighboorhood looks like......
(besides i just found out my neighbors are SWINGERS and are now getting divorced!) crazy.
i just... ugh i dunoo..
i dont feel stable enough yet... to start working on some of the other trauma that i know is in my head... and hurting my heart...
it has all been coming up lately and resurfacing.....like once i open the flood gate....alllll that is inside just comes gushing out.
i dont think im ready to completely start thinking about all of these things yet... but maybe i will start just listing the traumatic events that i recognize...
1) the abortion-when i was in high school, i cheated, got pregnant, and had an abortion. i was 8 weeks into pregnancy which is almost the limit.. 2 more weeks and i wouldn't have been able. i have flashes.. really traumatic flashing viloent and vivid memories, it was one of the most painful things i have ever been through, emotionally and physically.
2)london- when i was about 16 i went to london with my mom, 9 days, one night, i snuck out to the lobby where i met a guy, we went to the hotel bar, i drank with him, he offered me to come up to his room to look at magazines, i went. i was drunk..a little, and alone, he undressed me.. and yeah... the rest is fucked..
3)tony- when i was in high school a little after i was raped i think... or maybe before i can't really remember... i was at a kegger with some close friends. a hockey player named tony, watched me all night... drank, and drank, and drank with me.. till i was wasted..followed me outside... and on the bech in front of the appartment, made out and then pushed my head down into his crotch and held the back of my head there. fuck tony.
these are the things i can think of right now... there were other events that have been slightly upsetting and not comfortable... one with a boyfriend jay, also involving drinking... ...so needless to say im just not ready yet to get into that basket...