do you ever get triggered by something but you have no idea what it was?
this happens to me quite a lot, i sit spaced out for a few minutes and then realise im not quite in reality and i usually have to retrace my steps so i can think about it rationally and try to get back to reality i have to find out was it something someone said? something on tv? did i just get a flash of something?
it freaks me out cos if i dont realise ive been triggered i dissasociate and it pisses me off that i dont have control over my own mind.
this happen to anyone else?
i was wondering if you all could help me out
i am trying to find a formal explanation of triggers to post so my friends can understand what they are. not just triggers of rape experience, but general trauma. i don't want to be too specific, just enough so that they understand. thanks a lot and i hope you are all doing well
so yesterday, i think that i had another flashback. i didn't really recognize it at first... it was weird.
i pulled into a parking spot at barnes and noble. right next to the curbing on the adjacent row
was a man and a woman. they were just kinda standing there talking..
he had sort of dark hair and glasses on.
he kind of looked at me. and i just looked back. then he was staring.
and i freaked... i panicked.
as he was talking to this woman, he kind of positioned himself so that he could look at me sitting in my car.
i reflexively locked my doors.
i don't know why.
then i got really really really angry, and i was like to myself "fucking dick. what the fuck are you staring at? fucking..."blah blah blah.
i felt sooo uneasy and he was outside of my car...and like 10-15 feet away from me..
he had this kind of sick looking sleezy smile on his face as he sort of looked at me and talked to her...
or maybe it was just my imagination.
i duno.. why?
but i think that this was a trigger and a flashback or something.
this is so damn draining. i just feel like no matter WHAT i do , i can't stop these flashbacks and triggers from interupting my day-to-day life!
it makes me wonder how many other times...do i get triggered in a day... think random thoughts and swear out loud in my head at whatever triggers me, then think to myself 'wow, your fucked up for thinking those things about someone. that person didn't even do anything to you!'
but i guess that i just never realized.. that is called a trigger... or a flashback.
i get them from older men a lot too. like older men with beards. i don't know why.
if a guy looks at me a little too long...i get realy really, offended.. and uncomfortable.. and
part of me is thinking outloud in my head 'you should be flattered! he thinks your hot! your hot, thats why he is looking at you!!' not that i think im hot ... thats just the logic.
i remember i was triggered yesterday.. by another guy... some old guy with a white beard... who was peeing off the side of the road... w/e i duno. am i crazy?
This is from my journal. I hope I cut it right. It might be triggering, I dunno.Earlier, at tae kwon do, we were having a gound fighting seminar. They always looked kinda fun, but I'm scared to take them because of what happened to me. Mrs Lightfoot wanted me to take it because she thought it would be good for me. So I said yes ma'am and went to put my gi on but they could both(Mrs and my brother) tell I was close to crying. The thought me having a guy on top of me and us grappling on the ground triggered me...I guess I was REALLY scared. So she and my older brother came in back and they encouraged me. Thank goodness Miss Kelley and she understood how I felt so she stuck with me the whole class. That helped so much, and I actually had fun. But I haven't triggered that bad in so long...I'm still feeling it. I feel stronger because I was able to do it and I actually had fun, but yeah. I felt so stupid and weak, but I guess there was reason behind the trigger. So yeah, that's that.
I'm just really tired too. The rest of my day was good though. I took escrima stick class and that was a lot of fun. I still can't believe that triggered me so much though...it's so frustrating. I can't even do something fun like ground fighting without getting triggered. ( Read more...Collapse )