Tags: support network

(no subject)

How do you deal with not feeling like you can talk to anyone about your problems? In particular, the person in which you are the closest with.......your significant other. The person you should be able to tell anything to. How do you not pull away......

The problems stem from the abuse and other things in life that have lead to a deep undercurrent of depression.

(if you need to know more just ask...)

skull small

(no subject)

so its september 22nd and i guess that the reason i feel all weird and want to be secluded is because that day is coming again. the anniversary of my rape. my skin is getting sallow, im not eating, i've stayed inside more than i have gone out, i'm having nightmare flashes again and i feel overall very vulnerable.
cut because its kinda long and rambling...
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(no subject)

Whenever I try to call a crisis center/ sexual assault hotline/etc, i get frustrated. i have always been really nervous about calling such places (to get resources for dealing with sexual abuse), and a lot of the time the people who answer are really curt and sort of rude (i know they're probably super busy, but it's still frustrating). also, i feel weird about calling crisis centers b/c i sometimes feel like they're gonna tell me that i shouldn't be calling them becuase the abuse happened so long ago. does anyone else get nervous about stuff like this? it's just really hard for me to ask someone for resources/help on the phone when they are not very friendly. i usually end up crying while i'm calling them, which makes it difficult to talk to them. any advice?
Bear got your back

Thought stirring question of the week: Support by proxy

Most survivors need a lot of extra support. Between our flashbacks, invasive thoughts, and all the struggles we go through, we often need a lot of support and extra love to help us get through. Many of us also struggle with getting the support we need. Often, our supporters fall victim to the daily grind of life and work and schedules, or our supporters need a short break to regain their energy to be able to keep supporting us.

For many survivors, this can be really tough - needing support, but not always being able to get it. So this week we're going to talk about a coping technique for both survivors and supporters called "proxy". The basic theory behind proxy support is this: A thing is chosen to be a stand-in for a particular person's support. Most commonly this takes the form of a stuffed animal, a favorite t-shirt, a blanket, maybe even a mix CD of songs - something that you can wear or listen to to remind you that specific person *wants* to be there for you all the time, even if they can't be there because of schedules or because they need a night off.

Proxies can be a big help to make us feel loved and supported, even when our supporters aren't around. It can be as easy as picking up a blanket to know someone's thinking about you or sending you extra hugs - and it's a great way for supporters who aren't sure how to help to be able to offer support.

So this week's questions are:
- Have you ever tried a support proxy before? What have they been?
- If not, how could you add support proxies into your current set of coping skills?

Bonus question:
What type of proxy (clothing, blanket, movie, etc.) do you think would work best for you?
Because I'm worth it

Thought stirring question of the week: Support Network

So this week's question will also include an activity! :)

This week's activity: List of needs and sources*
1. Make a two-column list
2. In the first column write down a list of your needs. Include everything from food and water to your emotional needs - love, snuggles, conversation, support through flashbacks. Everything you can think of, even if things are things you strongly want as opposed to need.
3. In the second column write down everyone you know who could provide that need or want for you. Be sure to include yourself on this list! There will be some people who can only partially address that need, so include them too, but feel free to leave a note there about the extent to which they can provide that for you.
4. Keep this list around, as you'll discover more people who can address those needs, or you might think of more needs that you have

You don't need to share this list with us, but you can if you would like. This list will help you to answer the questions for this week.

Almost all survivors struggle with getting what they need, especially if it means asking for something from our support network. Often, we feel that we burden those we love. Whether it's because we are constantly asking the same members of our support network for help, or we just feel that our emotions and memories are a burden to a non-survivor, a majority of survivors often struggle to get their physical and emotional needs met.

When we're in need, when we're upset or struggling, it is the most difficult to remember what options we have. Having a list of people who can provide for you can be a big relief, especially if you've remembered to include yourself in the list of people who can help. Sometimes, just remembering that you are an excellent provider for your own needs can be a relief in a time of stress. But also, being able to look at the list and realize that you can get the smaller needs met by people you don't usually ask for support from - can help make you feel a lot less like a burden. Effective use of your support network is like a big car-safety system. You have a few people who provide a majority of your needs - much like the seatbelt and airbags, but you also have lots of people who can provide little things that help - much like good tires, good brakes, etc.

Often, because we can't see our options when we're stressed, these people who can help with the smaller things often get overlooked, and many of our needs will fall unmet.

So this week's questions are:
- Are there any needs you were surprised by when you made your list? Were there any people there which you usually forget about?
- What is the most difficult part of getting help from your support network?

Bonus question:
- What small things make big contributions to your well-being? Whether it's just getting ten minutes of outdoors time to a night at the movies - tell us which small things mean the most to you?

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So dig right in and talk away! :)

* This activity idea lovingly borrowed from "Allies in Healing" by Laura Davis
ali and lilo

One more thing

I've decided (with a couple other students here) to start a "live person" support group for survivors of sexual abuse at my school. We don't have access to many resources, (our school is an hour up a mountain from the closest (small) town), so we were thinking of having a rotating moderator. The idea would be that each week, the moderator would present a theme, a resource, anything she (or he) felt like bringing to the group, and then be the "safety" of the week - the one to keep things under control and point out when it seems to be going too far to keep everyone safe. I have a couple of resources about survivors and massage, and the books The Courage to Heal and The Sexual Healing Journey, but if any of you have any experience with or ideas on how to structure such a group or resources that would be good for us, please share!

Thanks so much!!

(Still high on sugar, sorry for the excess exclamation points...)
eye shadow

(no subject)

I just want everybody to know..
If anybody ever needs to talk, about anything in the world, I am here to listen.
My AIM is feartheweird, and my email is swallowedbydarkness@hotmail.com if you don't have aim.

I have been through SOOOOOO much shit in my life, and am just starting to heal.
I can understand anything..
I am one of the most openminded, non-judgemental, and caring people I know.

Never be afraid to ask me for help.

I ♥ you all.