Tags: substance/drug abuse

innocent

When should we be tough?

I'm a survivor of sexual abuse from my step-father, also incest from my older brother when I was young. I'm also very active in this community and wish everyone's lives were never affected by any sort of abuse. I've be diagnosed with several disorders over the last 5 years and am working on righting my life so it may one day be the one I always wished for. I'm letting you know this just so you understand where I'm coming from.

Now, there have been several times when someone posts something and my advice would seem a bit contradicting to the norm. I offer love and support to everyone here. But sometimes I just want to give the advice they need without the sugar coating, because they take the sugar coating and will run with it, not caring about the advice part at all. I'll use an example not from here, but from my own life.

My sister is abusing drugs and being reckless with sex. She hasn't even hit 18 and she's been kicked out of her house three times, the last one where she's not allowed to come back. She's failing school. Quit her job. Stopped taking her medication. Is lying. And owes a lot of people, including myself money. Overall being irresponsible. Last month I turned off her phone, since I was paying for it and she owed me money. She hasn't talked to me pretty much since then because I've become the authority figure in her life. I tried offering her help and a place to live, tried to give her the time and space she needed to make her own decisions, and tried to help her through the right path. All those 'nice' things have not helped. So, that's when I turned off the phone. I've finally told her she's screwing up her life and she's not going to get anywhere with the path she's taking. I'm tired of being nice and getting no where so I decided to let her deal with her problems on her own. I love her and cried so much when I made this dicision, but if I didn't she'd continue to walk all over my hospitality.

How does this relate? Well, sometimes when people talk about what's going on in thier lives I want to say, "Well, look at what you're doing. How do you expect to get anywhere doing what you're doing?" This isn't all, not even most of the time. Just a few cases. I'm a firm believer in the idea that people will learn more, and retain the information better, if they learn for themselves and answers aren't just handed to them. Not that I think we shouldn't help people when we get the chance. Not saying that at all. But when is it time to tell someone to take responsibility for thier actions? When is it time to give them the tough love they sometimes need? When is it ok to stop being nice and be realistic?

Sort of ranty-ish when I re-read it, and it's really not meant to be. I'm just sort of curious how others, especially a group on such a sensitive topic as this one is, would view this thought. I don't want to end up being a bitch by saying stop being stupid to someone, so when I get to that point should I just keep my mouth closed? That's what I've done so far with the very few posts I've seen. But what if someone gets hurt further by someone not bringing this to light? That's what I'm afraid of. Please, reply, tell me what you think. Do you ever give someone blunt advice? Would it be appropriate in any of the situations here? I'm really interested. Thank you in advance for your time.

Suicide

What do you all do when you feel suicidal all of the time?
I fade between optimistic about my future and very suicidal and the suicdial times are outweighing the positive...

I was also just inpatiented and I wish I was back there.

I've also find myself either drinking, taking NyQuil, more meds than I should or all three combined when I was someone who used to be straightedge and totally against any of this stuff. I tend to not be able to remember the last time I even ate and all I can think about is stockpiling the Klonopin prescription I have, drinkings tons with it and really trying to kill myself instead of half assing it like I've been doing. I can't stand to feel the pain or the emptiness anymore and will do anything to make it go away...including losing all that is good in my life to make it stop.

I'm in therapy, have a psych and am trying to get into an outpatient program for DBT, so don't bother suggesting any of them. I'll also be attending a Depression/Bipolar support group tomorrow...so don't bother with the support group suggestion.

So what do you all do? Becuase I'm running out of distractions and feel like my time is running out before I seriously try to end it all instead of taking just under enough to NOT kill myself.

It's the weekends that really kill me. I can manage the week days. I have things to occupy my time, but for some reason those two days and Friday night just make me want to throw it all away. And for some background info...I have NO friends, I left them all with my rapist and a boyfriend who wants SPACE...and space tends to make me cut you off cuz I can't stand the anxiety of it all. I was raped, have some prior sexual abuse history and am Borderline, but not full blown in that it destroys every area of my life....people at the psych ward also suggested that I may be Unipolar, something I never even thought of, but I digress.

Someone please offer me some suggestions. I don't know what to do anymore...
AC/DCFlames

My story...

My story begins when I was about 6 years old, my stepfather began molesting me, I did try to tell people, but they thought I was lying...I told my mother, who said that can't possibly be true...I lived through that, then my stepdad found another littler girl(this is who I think of everyday), if somebody had listened, her life wouldn't have been put into hell, just my life...my mom divorced him, and I thought, this is OK, I can deal with this...how very wrong I was...my mother went through a string of boyfriends, which she would leave me alone with all the time...I ended up feeling like a prostitute at 12...this continued for several years, making me completely terrified of the opposite sex...when I was 15, I was gang raped, around 17 I tried to kill myself, and landed in a in-home psychiatric facility in San Diego for about a week...only woman there for a few days...came out of there, and suddenly nobody wanted to live with me, they thought I was dangerous...I went to the homeless shelter and met a few nice women...one took me under her wing, and I was in love(I had never felt so safe), and that lasted for almost 5 years...she had affairs all the time(I thought I wasn't good in bed, so she could go get it elsewhere)and also was a binge alcoholic...one night she tried to stab me and thats when I learned that women can be just as vicious as men, if not more so, since you don't expect violence from a woman...I then landed in San Francisco and met another person, this person looked male, but was female, but wanted a sex change...again, I felt like this was all I could get, not that anything was wrong, I just didn't see anything until it was too late, this one was a alcoholic(vodka) and he smoked weed...almost daily...big thing was he met my mother(by now I called her Satans' bitch) and my mother told me that I was holding him back by not allowing him to buy his penis, like he wants...stop laughing, I am SERIOUS!! After a few years later, he walked to work one day and never came home...later that night a friend called to say there was a card under her door, I read the card and it basically said I was too depressing to be around...mind you he was stoned and drunk almost constantly after having a mild heart attack...I was working all the time to pay for things...after all was said and done, it was a good decision...it wasn't handled well, but nonetheless a good decision...until a few months later, I found a bunch of money order receipts and a card from my mother to him...and what I found out was he and I were planning to move to the Reno area in a few months when we had enough money saved...apparently my mother and he decided to move him by himself, and not take me...my mother was holding almost $1000 worth of money orders and had sent a card telling him goodluck...talk about the ultimate betrayal...I ever wrote Dear Abby about it...as it stands, him leaving was one of the best decisions ever made...although, sometimes it still bothers me...but anyway, that's my story...I write about this and I also write poetry in my own livejournal...I'm almost always available to talk or chat with others and help others deal with their problems...

(no subject)

Yea, so basically feeling like crap. I had a huge argument with my mother. She was going crazy, screaming that my drinking and smoking is going out of control and dont think she cant notice im not eating, blah, blah, blah.
I know it was in the heat of an arument but i think her exact words were "your mental, you've got an Effing problem girly".Thanks! I know that i've been smoking too much and that i ALWAYS drink destructivley, but god! why does she have to point out my faults. Especially when im a bit worried myself bacause i'm sorting myself out and feeling better, so why still the binge drinking and generally stupid behaviour?
Also, i know i pretty much asked for this, but when i put up those body shots in my journal, i orginally forgot to make them friends only. Straight away some people started anon posting telling me i was crazy and sick, and gross and basically making feel Fucking horrible. I suppose i shouldnt have put up shots like that. They were saying that i shouldnt be in an Ed recovery community as im obviously not recovering, Uh, NO SHIT FUCKWIT!!! Thanks for pointing out yet another of my faults! So i had to delete the post and repost it. The worst bit is that i cant even see Ettienne. He is three hours away teaching surf camp. Sorry for just ranting again everyone. I'm just a moaning minnie! Big hugs xxx