Tags: stalking

in a funk

I've been in a funk lately - the type of funk you get in that leaves you just kinda staring off into space, semi-numb and semi-brimming with emotion at the same time. It started last Friday night at home for the holidays... Collapse )

Thank you for listening... I needed to get this out somewhere. There is just so much in a person's past... and mine isn't even as bad as I know it could be. I should be thankful. But all I want to do is curl up and sleep and sleep and sleep, hibernate until all the crappy parts just disappear. So yeah... I'm in quite the mind funk right now. If you're there, or been there... how do you get out?!?!?!? How do you smile again and have it go all the way down to your soul? How do you trust again and mean it? How do you let someone in again and not jump at every little movement they make? How do you find peace?

because sometimes you really need to write

Today was a wierd day following suit in a weird-ass week. I went to the Alpha Chi Omega benefit today (it's an all you can eat dessert buffet with my bets frien as an AXO, and all money goes to the Nashville YWCA to combat Domestic Violence... of COURSE I'd go!) and it was great. But not great at all. And I do apologize, this is triggering, this entire thing that happened this afternoon triggered me and I started writing... I'm sorry... Collapse )

change of name

Due to recent events and an overwhelming lack of privacy on my formal journal, I have "reinvented" myself under this name. Who am I? The person formerly known as dgkatie06. Several of you in this community recommended trying a new, secretive journal - thank you. Let's hope that the people in this world seemingly intent on hurting my life do not find this one!

Random question - when is a gut reaction more than a simple feeling and something that should be noted? Collapse )

So yeah, send advice!
katie in miami

stuck for another semester

I just got my class rolls for next semester. There's a class that I absolutly have to take and there is no feasable way to reschedule it/change it/drop-add it and still graduate on time. I just found out that my ex is in there too... His name just stood there glaring up at me from the paper. I froze, then have been in hyper-panic drive ever since (almost an hour now). I don't know what to do. I had built myself up from the crap of this summer/last spring by telling myself I never had to see him again, I never had to deal with him again, I never had to be associated with him. But now he's here. He's in my class. Every week. Twice a week. He'll always be watching -- just as he said. He'll know my moves again. He'll hurt me all over again. I'm next to tears. I don't want ot be near him ever ever again. I don't want to be around him, I don't want to see him, I don't want to stand in front of a room (it's a communication course) and watch him staring at me f rom his perch in the back of the room. If assigned seats - what if i were next to him? What if there's a group project and i have to work with him? I never want to be alone with him again. I never want to be under his manipulation again. The relationship already has me scarred, afraid to start new ones, terrified of the dark, of certain touches, of my own abilities. I can't go another semester with him hovering over me. I'm already psychotically freaked out... I can't do it. I can't. PLEASE... how do I resolve this??? How do I get out from under his diabolical spell?!?!?!!?
green eye

allow me to introduce myself...

im a 21 year old suvior of domestic abuse on my now ex fiancees behaf (sp)it started out as control a issue (i.e. banning me from close friends) rose to not wanting me to start college because he "didnt trust the guys there" and escaladed to one night beating me and raping me to "teach me a lesson" for having lunch with a group of new founded friends (and one of them was an old male friend from high school).

i met the guy when i was only 19 and 3 weeks after high school graduation. i was in fear of losing all my friends because of the changes so i immediatly started dating guys and that is when mike stepped into my life. within the first week of us dating, he told me he loved me. i was weirded out by that, so, trying to be nice, i only told him that it was too soon for me to say the same. he disreaguarded that and began his controling of my life and what i do. i was not alowed to be around some of my closest friends because he felt that they either were a bad influence (mostly because if he thought they had more money than him, that ment they were rich and i should not get used to that because then i would expect him to pay for things all the time!) or if my friends just happen to be male, he would immediatly loathe them and tell me if i ever talked to them again i would regret it. i moved an hour away to college and i grew sick of the controlling he was puting me thru...i wanted friends and my old life back. we fought at least once a week about the same issues. i was told by him i was not to go out with anyone to anyplace without him. i couldnt go to any campus functions, parties, or even a club unless he was with me. i was under no cercumstances to be gone past 9pm because that was when he got free minutes on his cell phone and he could call me!i couldnt stand to be living by his rules..i began to rebel and one afternoon, some friends and i met an old friend of mine on campus for lunch. mike found out and that night he beat and raped me in his apartment as punishment for disobaying him. that same weekend, after i had left mike's apartment, i met pat, my now fiancee. after meeting him, i decided that this mess has got to stop. in the mean time, mike proposes to me and after i still say i am not ready (we had only been together for 3 months and the ring was also his pathetic way of saying he was sorry) he insists that i still take the ring and wear it. i take it but only wear it around him.

when i finally worked up the nerve to dump him, he didnt leave me or my family and friends alone for 2 months, then just disappeared over night. i thought the nightmare was over...i moved on and ended up dating and getting engaged to the man i now know and love dearly.

one day this past february, after doing a minor update on my wedding web page, i get quite a few nasty notes (including a virus) in my guestbook on my wedding web page from mike! this scared me so much...i thought he had given up and moved on...but apparently not. he got our new addy and phone number from my old roomie who gained a grudge against me (mostly because i caught her trying to make a move on my man!) he even went as far as to get my cell number (i dont know how but he got it) and called me on both phones harrassing me for weeks and weeks. we moved and changed all our phone numbers and he never found out till about a couple of weeks ago because my 15 year old cousin got mad at me for telling her mother that i caught her doing drugs at my house. so her way of getting me back was to give mike all our information...he once again knows everything about us except our licence plate numbers. i have been denied the protective order because i did not report the rape and violence when it happened and it was so long ago..they dont think he will do anything again...he has threatened to kill me on many occasions...2 time recently...ive been to 2 sherriff departments and they keep passing me back off on the other because they dont want to file or do paper work to get harrassment charges on him. its like i dont matter and no one will do anything till he does do something to me..by then it will be too late...

im here to talk about the things he did to me... get support and give lots of support in return..i just recently started talking about the things mike did to me...it took me this long to come out and say something.