Tags: rape: intimate partner

dog, joyride

negotiating

x-posted in forcedlove and mybodytaken

I was talking with a friend recently and we were sharing experiences that we thought were unique to us and became so excited when we realized that we were not the only ones who had done this. I will not share this person's story. It isn't mine to share, but I will share the ways in which I negotiated for control in the relationship and carried a lot of shame as a result. The relationship with my ex-fiance...well, the outcome was inevitable, it seemed. So I did a series of actions to try to take the control back, yet these actions are actions that made me petrified to share with anyone, much less a prosecutor, because I knew it would be turned back around on blaming me, though it was a survival strategy. I suspect there are others who will read this who may feel validated as well.

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dog, joyride

new community for survivors of sexual assault within relationships

Hello everyone,

This community is amazing and thank you so much to the maintainer/mods for keeping it up. We need something like this.

I do like the fact that this is an open community for any survivor to join. But I've recently heard/read comments by people who don't feel that they are entitled to speak out about their experiences because so many others are so much "worse". Granted, there are types of assault that are physically more brutal, but the damage done to the soul doesn't reflect itself in external scars. I don't believe one type of abuse is any worse than any other for the specific reason that there are some people who feel alienated from the rest of us by that type of categorization Collapse )

I know there are many people out there who have experienced a similar type of abuse that I have: intimate sexual assault (sexual assault within the context of an intimate relationship). Survivors of domestic violence have different experiences and needs do than those of acquaintance sexual assault, than do those of acquaintance assault, than do those of intimate sexual assault, than do those of stranger assault. And while I do absolutely believe it is imperitive that we all, all survivors, join together to support each other and to stop this phenomenon from continuing, I do also believe that there are some people out there who don't feel they can voice their experiences because they don't know of anyone else who has experienced what they have. I have created a new community for survivors of intimate sexual violenceforcedlove

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If you don't feel comfortable joining yet because it is so "type-specific." That's okay. You can also anonymously watch by creating a new username and just see the stories that others are ready to share. I commend anyone here just for taking this step to join ANY survivor community and seeking out others who can relate to you and support you. May you all be blessed on your journey to healing.

(no subject)

I was raped by my boyfriend over a year ago. I refused to admit it was rape. He just wouldn't do that to me, right? Because he cares about me. It must be something wrong with me that I am upset about what happened. It wasn't *really* violent in that he didn't hit or choke me or anything. He climbed on top of me while I was asleep and wouldn't get off when I pushed him away. I got him away from me and went back to sleep twice after the first time he did it. He did it two more times before morning and the third time he didn't stop until I was yelling and begging him not too. (I was crying and telling him to stop through the whole thing though.)

Here is my issue. While I have finally come to realize that it was rape, that I was raped, I still have serious issues identifying my ex as a rapist. I trusted him, he was a *great* guy. Everyone loved him. He would never hurt me, he said he loved me. I think it's impeding my healing because I have so much trouble being angry at him. I am angry at what he did, I am pissed off for the way he treated me, I'm angry I was raped, I'm not angry at him.

What makes this even harder is that I don't think my current (incredibly sweet and gentle) boyfriend really understands. I didn't kick my ex out of my house when all this happened. I didn't even break up with him. He can't understand why I didn't know it was rape right away. He thinks it would be somewhat less traumatizing because I wasn't beat up, I didn't pass out. I think it's extremely traumatizing to have your trust betrayed by someone you hold so close, traumatizing in a different way than if it were violent. Not more traumatizing, but at least as much.

I think that if it were a stranger who raped me at least I would be able to say "It's out there. It's not here. I'm safe with the people who love me." I can't say that. It is here. It's in the people who love me. They are capable of that. I'm not safe with anyone.

I just don't know what to do...