Tags: rape: acquaintance/date

sunshine dance gentleflower

part of what i posted in my lj just now...

a little over a year ago i took the fact that the only thing i feel i have to offer is my body and an the fact that i have no marketable skills an i turned to modeling. it seeme like itd be easy and possibly fun. i gained confidence in myself and my appearance. i usually dont like how i look. but i felt pretty and good about myself. an the minute that happened and i started dressing to match how i felt someone came along and raped me.

an i was back at square one, right where i was in high school. feeling like i wante to be ugly so i could be safe. i use to try and scar my face just so i wouldnt have to fear men attacking me. i figure i be left alone if i was unappealing. im trying very hard now to balance looking good and not looking too good. nice jeans are ok. a short skirt no longer is. an that fucking sucks. the fact that someone can make me feel this way isnt right. the fact that i have to look in the mirror and wish i were repulsive because i fear for my safety is wrong.

possible trigger
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on september 17th it will be one year since i was raped. and i am going to be alone.

Intro Post

Hi- I found this community because I am struggling with something that happened a long time ago. It is stupid and it is anniversary time and I have realized how much these events have shaped my life and the relationships that I have. I would appreciate any feedback and comments that you care to make.

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