Tags: mourning

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My boyfriend and I had a long talk the other night.
He told me I treat him like my father because I so desperately need one in my life now that mine is gone. I tried to tell him it wasn't true, but then he brought up the times when I can't be touched or kissed or anything by him because it makes me feel dirty.
He told me the only reason I would feel like that is because I see him as my father.

Does this happen to anyone else?

I need to know I'm not alone..

I thought about calling my daddy the other day. It's sooooo hard loving him and hating him at the same time. I don't know what to do, what to think. BAH!
I miss the crap out of him and I never want to see him again.
I want him to be happy but I want him to suffer.

And it still bothers me that he knows he hurt me.
When my mom read her speech in court telling him of all the ways I am fucked up, I wanted to just crawl in a corner and die. I am supposed to appear strong in front of my daddy! I really hate that he knows how weak he made me.

I miss him. But I hate him.
I don't know anymore.

Thought stirring question of the week

Of the many threads that connect survivors, one is a definite feeling of loss. Whether it's loss of the belief in safety, loss of our happiness, loss even of our hope or childhood - we know a thing or two about loss. It's not an uncommon thing for Survivors to know exactly what it is they've lost, but have no idea of how to regain it.

So often we fall into the trap of trying to get back to exactly where we were before the trauma - or for those abused in our childhood, to achieve that "normal" ideal we're always told about. Most people encounter this in the "Aren't you over that yet?" attitude we can be met with. You *cannot* achieve the exact state you were in pre-trauma. Trauma changes your world, but it does not have to destroy it, or you. We are survivors, and we can acknowledge the change in our world, mourn the loss, and re-find the feelings of love, safety, and happiness that get knocked to the side.

So this week's question is focused on mourning our losses, so that we can rediscover all those good feelings we all strive so hard towards:

- What is it that you lost? Did you lose safety? trust? happiness? love? all of the above?
- How do you think you could mourn that? How would you acknowledge that which you lost without feeling hopeless? (Don't worry this is *not* an easy question to answer!!!)

Bonus Question:
- If you have found a way that worked for you to mourn your losses, how did you do it? Was there anything that you found particularly helpful in your mourning?

As always, you're not expected to have all the answers - or even any of the answers. If you are particularly stuck, check back in here and see how other people got through it. This is a resource for all of you, and a place to get extra help when you're stuck :)

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