Tags: female abusers

bloodybear

I'm Absofuckinlutely Disgusted

I'm watching a CSI Miami repeat, about a murdered child sex offender...and this man uses his little girl as BAIT to catch this guy...he dresses her up and then leaves her playing on a swingset so the "perp" comes up to her...she's supposed to scream if any man comes near her...how fuckin sick is it to use your daughter as bait to catch a sex offender...oh wait, my mother used me to get her boyfriends...I guess it takes a very twisted individual to do something like that...thank god I'm adopted...bitch... GRRRR!!!!

This is getting crazy

My bdaughter contacted me saying that she was going to commit suicide. Thankfully I talked her down. My dog (the only living being that doesn't judge me) growled and snapped at me, my therapist had a cow when I asked her help to deal with an impulse, my husband and family don't believe that I should be in therapy. I give up, no joke, it's too much, I am the rock for the world but no one is the rock for me. My mother' bday is coming up (she was the main perpertrator) and I'm nervous about my reaction especially now that I have no one to talk to. I've had it with helping everyone else and no one is there for me. I'm a fake- all professional on the outside and all messed up on the inside- flashbacks of all sorts. I'm serious- I don't know what to do.

and just when everything was right....

I've been doing really well regaining my self worth after 4 years of being away from my ex. Well last night I thought I saw her. And all those unwelcome feelings of anxiety just surfaced and I almost panicked. My first thought was 'Oh, my Gawd, what do I do? what do I say?'

Quite honestly it really ticked me off to think that even just mistaking someone for her because they physically look similar could still effect me so much, especially since I was really feeling good. I've been comfortable being outside, and not having that fearful feeling that I need to check in or be home before I tick her off.

Anyway...that's what happened this weekend. I don't know what I would do if I saw her. It never crossed my mind. Just wanted to vent that.
horse
  • trankz

intro thingy

Ive had a lot of old things resurface lately, as in my ex abuser showing up at a family function lately, and have been having a tough time with it, Id wanted to find some others online and see how theyve dealt with it, so ive started up this journal for that purpose, I dont intend on mucking up mine with things my friends may read that i dont want them to.

bio, potentially triggering so..its under the cut.

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(no subject)

I thought things with my mother were getting better. i feel so stupid. I've mentioned a few times about my hair getting thinner. Well earlier i was just sat down when she came up with a pic of me when i was eighteen and started shouting that i need to look at the difference in my hair. She was yelling that i should have it all cut off and that she would do it if i needed it. I got really upset and started screaming back. I mean, it seems like its not enought that she has already given me all these insecurities about my weight (i'm fat) and boys (they will cheat on you) but now she's moving into another aspect to make me paranoid and obsessed with. I'm already so affected by her ilness. She has mentioned my hair at least twice a day for at least three weeks. Its really starting to bother me. I disnt think it was that bad, but im really starting to get scared. I know i shouldnt blame her for this, its just her ilness twisting her concern for me into something sick and hurtful. But i still love her, and i'm gonna try and be as good as possible so i dont upset her.
On another subject, Ettienne is still doing amazingly, he has not gone back on his word and im really proud of him. We are going away tomorrow to the coast for a few days. Hopefully i will calm down.
Love and peace xxx




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