Tags: abuse: verbal

sorry

sorry for posting two post in a row but i don't wanna put my christmas day with that so anyways my christmas was going pretty good until we went to my grandmas... around my family i always wear long sleves b/c of my scars even knowing my whole family knows about it.... well at the dinner table i said " i didn't feel like decorating in red an green" my cousin was like wat u being all emo on us" my other cousin was like omg i can't belive u said that to her" i was like what cause i didn't quite know what it meant so my cousin was like it's were ppl sit around listening to sad music an cut themselves 4 ppl dropped their jaws an staired at me woundering wat i was going to do as my to cousins were sitting there laughing i looked at my mom and gave her the look of let me the hell out of here so she an my brother got up an moved for i could get out i went outside an started balling  cause that had put the icing on the cake bc besides that it was my good friend (Gibby) who passed away b day so i was already a little low. an i can't belive he said that to me this is just one reason on why i HATE my family
  • mianme

I hate feeling like this

Okay,
I know I shouldn't stress about this, but I do every year.
I should just do what I want and forget what other people think. But I think that my need to please and not let anyone down really makes this hard. I feel guilty and I shouldn't.

So...
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So, what do I do?
Do I get him a gift? Do I ignore him? Do I do nothing?

I really need help...Verbal Abuse?

After everything I've been through, I have a hard time accepting the term "verbal" abuse. I know it's real, I know it's bad, I grew up with it, but I just can't for some reason apply it to what's been happening in my own home...It's cut for length, language, and talk of rape, all of which could be triggering...

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(no subject)

Need a break. Lost sample. Drug died. Boss told me to start it all over at 5pm. Told him I need time to study. He says "What will you learn at this point anyway". I cried in front of boss...and he just keeps talking about how I will react this and that then MALDI it then blah blah blah just work another 7 days straight and we will get this bullshit. Doesn't even acknowledge that I am in tears.

Sometimes I don't want to be here in grad school.

I'm trying not to be very depressed.

I feel like I dont have much time for anything beyond chemistry and lab right now...except I have these huge emotions welling up inside me that I NEED time to deal with, or just time to rest so that they don't seem so big.

Sometimes this seems like the best gig ever and sometimes it feels like fucking shit and I want to quit.