much <333 from -kat who recently found a reason to keep on going and special thanks to EVERYONE who replied to my totally emo post. much luv to everyone who has been knocked down and knows the'll b knocked down again but they get up anyways to try again -kat
no no no, this isnt about the devil or religion or anything. goodness knows theres enough to talk about there, but im not in the mood to be "converted" at the mo just got thinking about the phrase the other day, and what you lot on here call "trigger[ing]" thats what this is about, and as you can imagine....it very well is gonna b triggering to some/many of you. please, i dont wanna hurt anyone, so plz, if your easily triggered, b careful and tread lightly?
I'm needing like a uhm, god what's the word... x.o like a confirmation from someone that what I'm feeling might be okay? or to tell me that it's not okay. just, general advice. i guess that's what this community is here for anyway.. so. i just need honest opinions on this.
I also wanted to just.. type, about jealousy. I hate jealousy. I really do, I'm guilty of it more often than I'd care to admit and I really hate it. It causes so many easily avoidable anguishes. It causes all these arguments and angsts and even the break up of relationships and it's so hard to avoid! And lately, I've found myself feeling physically ill with jealousy whenever I hear anyone in my area or my online friends talking about their childhoods.
Hi everyone. Just wanted to post to introduce myself. I've been debating on joining for awhile, but finally decided to do it.
I'm not really into going to a counselor or a therapist because I'm not a talker, I'm more comfortable typing or writing my feelings down. I can't afford to go either. I live in such a small area that we don't have any free counseling available. And a lot of things I can't come right out and verbalize, yet. I'm working on it.
So I've decided to try and get through my past on here, on LiveJournal. I know I have very caring friends on my LJ list, but I also wanted to share things here, with people who've gone through similar things.
For years I had nightmares of my mother, she was the one who physically abused me for years. In my nightmares I would attempt to defend myself by hitting back, but the hits would either not make contact, or would just have no result if contact was made. I was put on a medication to help with my stress which is believed to be PTSD, and in October I was able to visit with my Father (parents were not together since the age of four, and he was on the other side of the country) resulting in a lot of closure with many issues. Since then when I have a "nightmare" I can defend myself, and other times when I speak she actually listens. It's a major change and I'm thankful for that.
Now I just really have to find a psychologist to talk to. No one knew the extent of what I went through, so now when I tell them it leads to others crying. I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm just sick of the weight and sick of the secrets.
There of course is much, much more to my story than that, but I don't want to hog up space here, or worse make someone else recall something bad from their own past.
How do others come to peace or some sort of resolve over this? I know lots of people who have been abused sexually, but no one who was beaten, so I have no one who could tell me. I'm doing much better now. It just all came to a very horrible point in 2001 when my ex-wife left me, my department and myself were let go from the company, and the passing away of my grandmother. After that happened the stress of my past pretty much combined with the situation and tore me apart in an instant. I began to have a studder at times, became too afraid to speak to anyone, and became a shell of a person. Now as I said I am much better. Still I am at a point where I need to figure out what I do with the memories. I even wonder what can be done, since all in all the beatings are over. So, I don't know what happens from here.