pushed_too_far (pushed_too_far) wrote in _survivors_,

This is a really crappy thing to post but i am really distressed.

I just want to die. My friend called me a whore again tonight, i know she is joking ut it is such a trigger. 

I havene't been able to get suicidal thoughts out of my head for the past week. I mean it is always there as a friend almost, if things get any worse i can always just die, sorta thing.

I can't concentrae, razors and pills are dancing in my mind. I am not going to pas my exams, but i guess that wont matter.

I have still being binging for weeks and not throwing up anymore, i don't know whats happening to me, i just feel dirty inside and i already hate my body so much and i am making it even more disgusting. Why can't i just starve myself like i used to, i want that control back.

I just feel like everyone around me is being majorly selfish right now (i wont go into it its long and boring) so it is ok for me to be selfish and to what i want for a change, and i would like to die.

I feel so crazy, i cant handle it.

I have a combination of pills on the floor infront of me, i have already taken 10 majorly strong painkillers. I don't know if i want to carry on. i have a box of 30 and a box of 30 prozac i have been saving for a special ocassion.

I used to take 10 pain killers at once when i was a little younger. it would space me out big time. I would sleep a while. I would wake up and think why didnt i take the lot. But then other times i would think, i am really glad i didn't do that.

I am starting to get really dizzy, i should probably leave it ten and go to sleep

soory i can hardly type anymore

i'm sory. i just need some one to know im not so great.    
Tags: seeking support, suicidal thoughts

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