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So my good friend told me for the second time that I'm mean to… 
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14th-May-2007 02:55 pm
_survivors_
earthygirrl
So my good friend told me for the second time that I'm mean to people I'm not dating. She even felt it right after we called it off.  When I'm dating them or all about them..everything is roses....but when I'm with someone else......I'm really really mean. 

I can tell that I get short with them and the convos...but mean?  I don't see that. But she can...and it's not the first time she's seen me do it...or said it. 

So now i'm wondering where this comes from....why do I do it?  I know i get defensive a lot. But why mean?  I don't understand. The only theory I  could come uup with was that it was learned from my parents. If that is the case, how do I start sheding love instead of this meanness.......?  Just being aware of it helps...but how do I become active about it?  I don't know.


Does anyone find that others notice a mean streak in you after you break up with someone....or become interested in other women? Does this even make sense?
Comments 
14th-May-2007 09:25 pm (UTC)
sistahraven
I used to notice this in myself a lot more than I do now. For me, it was a feeling of resentment - I was most often the meanest about people who had rejected me for really crappy reasons (like the guy who wouldn't date me because I was "too smart").

So for me, it came from unresolved anger with that particular person. It's much easier to communicate that anger in being mean than it is to acknowledge it and face it - and since our brain tends to take the easiest path without telling us, it's probably something similar with you.

So maybe try getting out any unresolved feelings about those people? Even if it's just writing it down for our own benefit, it can make a huge difference in how we treat them
15th-May-2007 07:01 am (UTC)
pushed_too_far
i dont get involved with anyone so i don't know about being mean after breakups but i am one sarcastic little shit to all my friends, and sometimes i come across as a heartless bitch, but only because i cannot show anyone any emotion. I feel so much compasion for people at times and i would bend over backwards to help but for some reason infront of people i have to turn everything into a little joke, usually at my own expense but sometimes at other peoples. I feel mean.
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