wildwordwomyn (wildwordwomyn) wrote in _survivors_,

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Okay Today

Okay today. Just feeling okay.
And that's it. Told the doc at my doc's office (in other words she's not my regular doc but my regular was busy when I made the appt. about my depression) that this Effexor pill isn't working too well for me. Of course, I have to be a-typical when it comes to drugs. Cause it makes me sleepy throughout the day and a little too anxious to get much sleep at night. it's also making me not lose weight even thought I've actually started using my tread mill. Yeah. Just so damn tired! All I want at this moment, more than anything else in the whole world, is sleep! Things are getting better between me and my girlfriend, though. Talked about her occasional passive-agression and how it affects me. (Or is it "effects"?) We both are trying more to trust each other. And I'm trying not to run when she gets scared or angry. She's trying more to talk through those feelings when they come up. I've also told her as soon as we move in together and she's out of her mom's house that she's going on birth control to help with her PMS mood swings! Doc wants to try me on Cymbalta next so we'll see how that goes when I get some samples next week...Work still sucks. Looking but somehow the job market has changed in the last 10 years. Experience doesn't mean much anymore unless it's only in accounting or medical coding. It also doesn't mean much if you've been working half your life like I have and are asking for more than $10 and hour. Might have to go to a temp agency (and have no benefits) to find something if things keep going this way. Feeling sorry for myself in case it wasn't obvious. Mom's been okay to me lately. The job thing is something she can relate with me on, I guess. A co-worker asked why I paid for her ticket to see Cirque Du Soleil when they come. I said it's her Mother's Day gift and I had no one else to go with. Honestly, I don't know. She wouldn't do the same for me. Unless she had a lot of money to spare. Hell, the woman didn't even get me a Dollar Store b-day card for my birthday, but I paid how much? Again? Why do I do that? Pay and pay and pay and pay and get deeper in debt? You know what? No more pity party, damnit! I'm going to Dairy Queen for lunch and getting a chocolate chip cookie dough blizzard. No matter how lost I or the rest of the world is, there should also be time and space for chocolate! The rest of this shit will have to wait to depress me until after lunch.
Tags: depression, medication, relationships, vulnerability, workplace

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