ElliKatFan07 (ellikatfan07) wrote in _survivors_,
ElliKatFan07
ellikatfan07
_survivors_

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I can't cry...

I don't even know... It bugs the hell out of me. I think I have gotten really good at hiding my emotions from everyone (plus the medication i'm on makes me feel numb) even when I was telling my teacher I was raped I didn't cry not even close. I would feel like I was going to my eyes got a little teary but I didn't cry one bit. Even when I'm in karate class with the guys and they are grabbing my arm , I am so scared but I don't cry I just shake and lose all focus.

 I want to cry and think I need to cry but I'm so damn angry I can't cry... I don't know if this makes sense at all. I've just gotten too good at holding my emotions in and now when I want them out it feels like i'm stuck. I think of something really really sad  and even think back to the rape and I'll have a tear running down my cheek but that's all I can get! I just want to fricken punch something over and over and over again. So frusterated and I'm so confused... gah. 
Tags: emotional numbing, seeking support
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