Cate (seecatedance) wrote in _survivors_,
Cate
seecatedance
_survivors_


as i said in an earlier post, i was raped a few weeks ago. i was with a friend and we are fairly certain that we were both drugged because we stupidly took open drinks and we blacked out at the same time and when i woke up one guy was raping me and his friend mike was raping my friend in the other room. we were still completely messed up at 4 in the afternoon the next day, and we didn't drink enough alcohol for that to happen. unfortunately we didn't go to the hospital to get tested for drugs, which i now regret.

yesterday i realized that i was no longer thinking about the rape constantly. and i wasn't scared of running into my rapist on campus anymore - i figured my campus has 30,000 students, what are the chances? i work at the campus library, and yesterday afternoon while i was putting away some books mike walked by. i saw him out of the corner of my eye and my heart started racing. he walked past me several times and kept staring at me. i walked to another section and he followed me. he walked up to me and started talking:
him: is your name christina by any chance?
me: no. [my name is caitlin, i didnt tell him that of course.]
him: i swear i know you from somewhere, i just can't put my finger on it.
me: no, i don't know you. i have to work now. [and i walked away.]

i nearly had a heart attack. luckily my shift was over right after that so i left and immediately called my friend and told her what happened. as we were talking he called her. meaning he must have remembered who i am, that's too much of a coincidence. she didn't answer, he called her again that night and she didn't answer. he'd called her several times before this and she had never answered. this guy obviously has no social skills because he doesn't realize that both of us want nothing to do with him. i am very scared that he knows where i work now because i'm afraid he or the guy who raped me will come to find me because they clearly are not getting the message. it brought back the images of the rape and now i feel sickened all over again.
Tags: healing, progress, rape
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