grandiloquence (spiffychicky) wrote in _survivors_,
grandiloquence
spiffychicky
_survivors_

Today was the first time I approached a teacher (or any adult) about my rape since september and the issue with my counselors.

My psychology teacher had us read an article about child abuse that repeatedly referred to survivors as "abuse victims." It got under my skin, not enough to be triggering, but enough that I wanted to say something. Just to be sure that if it came up in class discussion, the word "victim" would be omitted.

So all day I sat around thinking of the right words and the right way to phrase it so he would understand. And at the end of class I actually did it.

I have no problem writing about the rape, or talking to strangers about it, or discussing it with friends. But for some reason, knowing that this man now knows (or can deduce) that about was very... blech. I feel like it will be part of the way he judges me.

At the same time it was empowering. He knows I'm plenty of things. He knows (very well) that I'm a feminist, a writer, drama club president. He doesn't like me very much at all. Now he knows that I'm a survivor. And he probably still doesn't like me very much, and will probably still get annoyed with my feminist interjections in class. And that's kind of refreshing. Just knowing that someone can go ahead and continue disliking me, despite knowing that I'm a rape survivor- I really appreciate that. I'm a person too, like anyone else.

Anyway, he agreed to not use the word. It was an exhausting experience. I don't even know why.
Tags: telling others
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