Basically, I have been thinking a lot which sometimes is dangerous.
After rape, even after healing...which I haven't found...things can't be the same.
I think I keep trying to get back to the place I was at BEFORE, but that doesn't exist. That was taken along with other things. Normal isn't there. There will always be a before and after, things are disconnected.
There is a timeline in my life with the events prior to rape and after rape.
Everything after has been touched by that event. Relationships have suffered, and I have been to blame.
I was talking with a good friend who is a therapist the other day. Talking about your junk doesn't mean you are working through your junk. It keeps things stirred up in your mind so you can't forget. I feel like that is the new goal. Just forget it. Put that night, and those memories away and keep them there.