Now I just really have to find a psychologist to talk to. No one knew the extent of what I went through, so now when I tell them it leads to others crying. I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm just sick of the weight and sick of the secrets.
There of course is much, much more to my story than that, but I don't want to hog up space here, or worse make someone else recall something bad from their own past.
How do others come to peace or some sort of resolve over this? I know lots of people who have been abused sexually, but no one who was beaten, so I have no one who could tell me. I'm doing much better now. It just all came to a very horrible point in 2001 when my ex-wife left me, my department and myself were let go from the company, and the passing away of my grandmother. After that happened the stress of my past pretty much combined with the situation and tore me apart in an instant. I began to have a studder at times, became too afraid to speak to anyone, and became a shell of a person. Now as I said I am much better. Still I am at a point where I need to figure out what I do with the memories. I even wonder what can be done, since all in all the beatings are over. So, I don't know what happens from here.