livinginhell5 (livinginhell5) wrote in _survivors_,

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getting things out

well the last two days have been really hard for me. at any given moment i'm about to bust into tears. i have been thinking about a lot of different things, which is causing me not to be able to focus. an because of this i came home from school early. lately my nightmares have started coming back an every time i close my eyes all i can see is the 2 guys faces laughing at me an the house that they live at. then my body starts to cringe making me tighten up, feel dirty an horrible wreck. another thing that has been bugging me is i keep thinking about Gibby an how i want him back, how much i miss him. i listen to his song at least once a day. with today an how bad i felt all i wanted was my drugs to take to make me numb to stop me from thinking also being in this much pain. i've realize i have gotten addicted to pain killers. which really sucks!!! things are going down hill right now an fast. my best friend and i have been fighting on and off for a good month. my abusive x boyfriend has came back to school now ;(. i have a appointment the 11 with the surgeon and also on the 19th i'm having a sleep study done. my health as been pretty bad lately. i've been getting the shakes real bad to. so everything has and is very hectic i feel like i'm going insane

sorry for rambling on i needed to get this out to someone. which won't go anywhere else thanks for taking the time to read this to 
Tags: medication, memories, school, sleep

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