browncoatrebel (browncoatrebel) wrote in _survivors_,
browncoatrebel
browncoatrebel
_survivors_

Well...



Tried setting boundaries. Told my T this was going to happen. I don't
think T realized the extremes my mother will go to because the woman
*seems* so damn reasonable most of the time.

My youngest sister called me upstairs to ask me some Chinese trivia
question. I didn't know, and then she asked me if I could fix the
computer--the internet connection was down. I booted it up and asked
her to log on, since my mother deleted my profile. It was nearly 7:30,
and I asked if we were going to eat. My mother said, "You make supper."

So I went in the kitchen and starting making macaroni. My mother has
refused to cook for the last week because she's been mad, so I took
what she said at face value. She started yelling about how she was
kidding. I didn't respond--I refuse to take part in her histrionics
anymore. I don't think she really was kidding--I think the fact that I
started fixing dinner made her feel like a bad parent. So she kept
going on. When I didn't respond to that, she started yelling about how
I couldn't cook and be on the computer at the same time. I told her
that fixing the computer would take 15 seconds. I was annoyed, and I
snapped a little at her--but not any more than I would've at one of my
sisters or one of my friends.

Oh, but that made her go off, accusing me of being disrespectful. I
looked at her and said, very calmly, "That has to be reciprocal."

Of course, that made her even madder. She started asking--yelling- -if
I wanted to go stay with a mutual friend. I didn't want to get the
mutual friend in the middle, and I wasn't the one having a problem, so
I said, "No, I'm fine right here." So my mother is screaming, "Well,
you just go call her, then," and I just keep fixing my macaroni and
goofing around with my sisters. The whole scene was just surreal. My
mother's pitching a fit, and me and my sisters are fooling around,
shoving each other in the kitchen and flicking water on each other, and
my mother's just getting madder and madder because no one's paying any
attention to her.

Made me see so very clearly just what a sad person she truly is. I
hate to say it, sounds so condescending, but it's true. She's
pathetic, and I think it finally hit her tonight. Because I stood up
to her and didn't get drawn into her histrionic crap.

Left and went to my grandparents' house, staying there now. Left a
note for my sisters, told them to call if they need me to bail them
out. Told them not to tell my mother, under any circumstances, where I
am at any time. I should probably feel something, shouldn't I?
Hurt...or maybe proud of myself? I feel nothing.

Sara
Tags: boundaries, family, female abusers
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