Yesterday Lauren called me up and told me Stephanie died. She got hit by a car, and died the thursday before New Years. I wasn't as close to her as i was with Rob, but she was a great friend. My grandmother introduced me to her when i was little. Then i saw her again in highschool. And spent many months with her in the hospital. We had alot of fond memories together. I remember how we used to compete for Robs affections. She was a spunky girl, and i dont think she cared about herself much. She looked as if she was abused. We went to the mall one day and i remember us going into FYE (i think it was) and she was intent on stealing some music. I asked "but you'll get caught" and insisted she wouldnt and took one. I felt so inclined to do it myself. I put one in my backpack and left the store, with no problem. She did and the buzzers went off. The guy who caught us was nice about it though, he just took the tapes and let us leave, no problem. I found it so amusing and laugh about it when i think about it. That was the first day i had defied my curfew. We stayed out till 2 am near the mall. She found some guy and started to kiss and lick his ear. She was used to doing the wrong thing i guess and was calm about being out so late, meanwhile i cried for so long as we were out thinking about how much trouble i would get in lol I had such bad self esteem then, i still have bad self esteem. I asked one of the boys if they would go out with me for shits and giggles, one said no and one said yes. But i didnt want to go out with any of them really. I would ask random boys that question, just to see if they thought i was pretty. Meh.When we got back to her house after that, i saw that my grandmother had given her my red wagon i had as a kid, i got so pissed about it. But not extremely so, now that i think about it, they didnt have much.
Mom remembers us giving them clothes, her and her family. She read a letter i wrote Rob but never sent him. About how much i loved him and crushed on him at the time. She read it and nodded at me saying "Its good, but you give him too much credit" i loved that response. We had so much fun in that hospital. One time she pulled lint from her pants and i laughed my ass off, saying "did you just pull that from your ass, it looks like it" So we all laughed as if it was ass lint.I cried on the phone to Lauren. We talked a little. Then called Johnathan C. (another friend i had in highschool, he doesnt remember me though) and he went through the gorey details, which i just couldnt hear. I hung up and cried on the floor. He says the real truth could be that her boyfriend killed her, threw her into traffic because of the way the body was displayed, it didnt just look like she just got hit. It looked like she got thrown. Lauren told me that Bethony (another highschool chum) is going insane about it because of how close she was with Stephanie. She's been drinking alot, and wanted to truely kill herself. Bethony ran into the street wanting to die and Lauren had to get her and drag her back. Meanwhile getting kicked in the throat, punched and slapped. Bethony had to be dragged away in an ambulance in a straight jacket. Now the hospital says they let her out, and no one knows where she is. If she is dead, or just missing. I cant bear another friend dying. I want to be there, the time my friends need me, but im not there. I feel so selfish. I hope Bethony is alright, i can only hope. I cant believe this happened. Why do people keep dying. I cared about her, even if we werent amazingly close. She was a great friend, such a pretty and spirited girl. No deserved to die so young, she didnt deserve to die so young. She didnt deserve to die like that, at all period. I keep crying off and on. I keep hoping she's in Robs arms, safe and fine. Here is her Obituary:
"STEPHANIE McDONALD, 20
Accident victim was planning to attend college Sunday, December 31, 2006
Funeral arrangements have been made for Stephanie D. McDonald, 20, of Graniteville, the victim of a hit-and-run accident Thursday night near her home. Ms. McDonald died of "blunt impact injuries to the head and neck," Ellen Borakove, a spokeswoman for the city medical examiner's office, said yesterday. The medical examiner has classified Ms. McDonald's death as an accident, said Ms. Borakove, adding that the office's findings do not preclude "other determinations" by law-enforcement authorities.
Ms. McDonald was struck by a sport utility vehicle at about 8:20 p.m. on the Richmond Avenue exit ramp on the Brooklyn-bound side of the Staten Island Expressway, adjacent to the intersection of Fahy Avenue and Longdale Street. Ms. McDonald, who lived on Fahy, died Thursday at 9:06 p.m. in St. Vincent's Hospital, West Brighton. As of yesterday, police were still searching for the vehicle and driver. Born in New Dorp, Ms. McDonald moved with her family to Port Richmond around 1988, before settling in Graniteville earlier this year. The Port Richmond High School graduate was diagnosed with Hodgkins lymphoma at age 17 and bravely underwent chemotherapy to beat back the deadly disease. She was in the process of applying for college and was considering becoming a chef.
An outdoors enthusiast, Ms. McDonald enjoyed riding her bicycle, walking and going to the beach. Other interests included listening to music and writing poetry. Ms. McDonald especially liked playing with her nieces and nephews. She loved life so much," said her mother, Pamela Rivera. "She was my beautiful baby girl. She was my only daughter and I'm going to miss her." Ms. McDonald was a parishioner of St. Clement/St. Michael R.C. Parish, Mariners Harbor. In addition to her mother, Pamela, surviving are her father, Donald McDonald; her stepfather, Eric Rivera; and four brothers, Michael McDonald, Christopher McDonald, Richie Pezzoni and Eric Rivera. The funeral will be Wednesday from the Matthew Funeral Home, Willowbrook, with a mass at 10 a.m. in St. Clement's Church. The arrangements include cremation."
The driver, should be fucking tortured for running. Her boyfriend, if he did it, should be tortured. I feel so helpless, i feel like i should be tracking these people down. I feel helpless, and useless. As i did for Rob, that i wasnt there for him. I cried off and on so mcuh tonight. I don't want to be pittied, i'm sick of this pitty game. And i know people are concerned, but i'm talking about how i bring it up as an excuse to be depressed. It shouldnt be so. They dont deserve that. I dont deserve that.
Jason did something wonderful last night, something i couldnt even believe. And still don't know if i do. But at the moment, i just had to. I will talk about it later though. For now, everyone have her in your thought, and Rob as well. That she is safe with him. And they are having fun, and she is in his arms.
I want to think that, that its a fact. But it's so hard to believe in anything right now. So hard to believe they are ok. I want to know it, i want proof. I need it. I want to live, i want to live a good life for them. But i'm so scared. What other phone call will i get, about who i knew that was wonderful that was taken too soon. Please, no one else. I wish not even these people were taken. It's not fair.
Please Rob, take care of her. Hold her, love her, take great care of her. I love you both so very much. I'm sorry i wasnt as good a friend as i should have been. I'm sorry for many things. Please, let me know you are safe some how. Take care my friends, where ever you are...
(Rob was my great friend who was taken away too soon in 2005. I loved him dearly as well.)
x posted from my journal