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I dream alot, but only a few times do I have the same dream, and… 
2nd-Jan-2007 10:09 am
I dream alot, but only a few times do I have the same dream, and when that happends, ill have them for years, but each time it will end with a differant outcome.

This is one of them. Ive been having it for a while, the first time it was only about me, the second time it was like...a carry on? But the same story.

 This is a bit...triggering like I said.


Im at this brokwn down house, with a bunch of girls. Its one of those houses you see in a tim burton movie or something. Window shutters off the hinges, broken windows, nails sticking out of everywhere. Holes in the floor, bad roof, ect.
We all like...lived there. And we were all afraid. Something wasw happening and we knew it. Outside, in the back of the house there was this Cellar door, that was underneath the porch of our house, and sometimes we would go outside and find the bodies of children wrapped up in differant color blankets, tied in string, like a box would be. They were dead. The blanket was soaked in blood.
We would find these bodies sometimes 3 times a day, everyday.
Im not sure what we did with them, but they were gone. 
We would always end up crying, I eman they were little kids...
This one time, I got to the point of where I was crying but furious. So, I stayed inside where I could see the door, and waited.
The next day I could hear faint screams and stiff comming from the door, and I waited still. 
I saw the door open, so I quickly got outside somehow and was hiding right behind a man, who came out of the doors, just popped his head over the porch and put another child on the proch, and looked around. I stayed quit kneeling behind him, and he went back inside the doors.
I didnt cry, I dont even remember what I did, but I waited again for the same thing to happen.
This time it wasnt a man who came out, it was a child. A boy about...9 with blach hair. He was wearing this brown rag type shirt, coverd in blood adn looked like he was in a daze or seomthing, he put another child on the porch.
Again, I dont remember what happend.

But what I do remember is somehow, I had got inside that place. And I had got out...but I was not the same...

I was crying, sitting in frnt of a broken mirror, looking at my reflection. I had cuts all over my face, I was all bloody and my hair was black.
I hated who I was. I was so angry, which made me one of those people who are so mean they are strong. I took a picture and put it on the wall, and I would go around saying "Look at this! This is what was done to me!"

Idk what this is..I dont know what this means, but I keep having it.

The second time, I actually went inside and I was looking for my mother, who was taken. I found her being tortured. The place was like a maze of dark rooms. There was no one there, but one person when I went and he was tall, silver hair. I remember I attacked him, biut the floors started to disintigrate (sp?)And I fell.

I dont remember anymore, But I do remember how I looked and it scares me.

I keep having this dream. I dont know why. There are some dreams I just have over and over again. Most of them have to do with my brother, but I dont think this does. This one is differant.

2nd-Jan-2007 05:42 pm (UTC)
It sounds like an analogy for a lot of what you went through - the abuse in your life turned into all the murdered children in your dream. So when you were attacked in the dream, and had to find your way out - you were able to look in the mirror and see the abuse for what it was (an attempt to kill your happiness, your stability, etc.) and used the anger it brought up to be strong enough to face it.

With your mother inside the house, it makes sense, too - she was in a way taken by your abuser, when she refused to help you with the case in court and with CPS. You did everything you could to get her out of that, and to get her to stop tormenting herself by ignoring what happened to you
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