stac46days (stac46days) wrote in _survivors_,
stac46days
stac46days
_survivors_

Sorry, you won't define me...

I have a lot on my mind, which isn't unusual for me. I am a thinker by nature. I joke about someone can say something to me today and I will respond two weeks later. I like to process things in my own time.

I am a laid back, go with the flow kinda person.
Anyway I say all of that just to simply say I have been thinking.
I realized something today. I am the only one responsible for what happens to me from now on. I have had a crappy past, my parents, the rape, cutting, my parents being sick...a lot of things I didn't choose, some that I did.
But now I have a choice. I have to at some point distance myself from the hurt, accept it for what it is, and what it was...and then move on.
I am responsible to learn new ways to cope, ways that weren't modeled for me.

This is so tough. But I know I must learn to trust again. So much hurt has taken place, and I don't want to invite anymore in. However I can't live like this. so I have to make the decision to either live or not, and because I want to live then I have to really live.
Anyway so here goes, I am ready to really heal.
Tags: acceptance, healing, processing
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