Smashleen. (alekaattic) wrote in _survivors_,

  • Music:
just thought id post about my weekend. which was enlightening, to say the least...

my ex and one of my now ex-friends were all over each other right in front of me, then i found out she's been calling me a psycho and a bitch and accusing me of just being "emo" and wanting attention, i wanted to tell her to shut her fucking mouth and realise that that's HER but she's too selfish to listen, because you know, she rules the world, so i said in many colourful words that i never want to see her again, and i really really mean it. him too, they deserve each other the stupid wanky fucks.

the night that followed the blow-up was fun, then it turned completely pear-shaped...


 well, i was angry. i posted a long LJ rant about 'real friends' at my friend amy's place with my sister also there, and then i was just FUMING mad. and i decided it was time to just forget everything. so i did something i rarely do, i took some naughty things. a line of s* * *d and then we smoked some m* *h and drank a 2litre bottle which was full of gin, malibu, vodka, champagne and jack daniels. awful mix which made me ILL. i was high for about... five hours, i ended up calling a close friend, who is my ex's best friend and just ranting to him. and the sincere concern in his voice touched me. i remember sitting there with my bottle of booze and a stanley knife crying to him about the whole situation, and he just knew it. 'put down the knife, put down the knife' and all i can say is thank god for him, i was ready to let the whole world swallow me up. i threw up eight times the next morning, and i'll never, EVER do that again. i just really wanted to do it at the time though.
i feel ashamed, i dont know why im letting this whole thing get to me.

i now have two ex friends.

i'm also starting to not eat... i dont know why ive just lost my appetite. its weird, this whole week has been weird. i cant wait to get away.

thankyou, im quite done now.

Tags: friendships, self-injury, substance/drug abuse, telling others

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