Julia A. Case (mornhyland) wrote in _survivors_,
Julia A. Case

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It is around the holidays that I most miss family, the very people that put me through hell. In some ways the abuse doesn't stop even after you leave. No matter how you look at it I am still minus a family. The damage done when I was a child and young adult is difficult to even articulate, let alone process.

Sometimes I don't think survival is a word I can use, the damage runs too deep. I have managed to limp along and I fall way too often and have to grasp for the smallest thread to pull myself along by.

This weekend is one of those falls. Everywhere I look I see despair. My mind reels as it goes back to holidays past. It isn't as simple as a hole inside me, it is filled with the garbage my father filled everyone with in his path.

Self harm may not be a FDA approved method of dealing with intense self loathing, but it works.
Tags: depression, family, processing, self-injury, triggers: reminder of abuser

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