Smashleen. (alekaattic) wrote in _survivors_,
Smashleen.
alekaattic
_survivors_

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well, i had a major panic attack last night. NOT COOL. i saw my ex for the first time since the break up. i feel so pathetic, when he dumped me i cried infront of him for about an hour... so weak. and i think he had a falshback of that. how crushed i was. mixed with the knowledge that i had a one-night stand and all, he ignored me. and i freaked out. i wasnt expecting him. i almost passed out.

and this might sound silly, but i caught his scent, that scent he always has when he'd come to my place after work, the 'sven smell' and i just couldnt handle it. it reminded me of all the great times we had it was like i was heartbroken all over again. i just want to know that he did love me, and i  wasnt living a lie.
i want him back, i really truly do, ive thought about it and he is all i want. call me crazy, but i know who he really is, and he wasnt being himself. not at all.
and now i cant eat or sleep or just be. the cutest thing happened though, after he left and i was in target with Tom and Laura, Tom wrote 'i love katho' on a magnadoodle. awww. i love my friends.

how do i tell him how i feel without him walking away?

i just can't help but love him... and its not just attached to the sex at all anymore, its real. this sucks.
Tags: contact with abuser, relationships
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