Ashley (kurai_tenshi21) wrote in _survivors_,

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its always the small things...

why does it always have to be the small things that set off the triggers?
why does it always have to be when I least expect it?

I was minding my own business earlier. Watching tv with the people I am living with, when all of a sudden when I DO decide to pay attention to the show being watched they start talking about all the things I went through just a couple months earlier. And how the person just got out.. abortion of a child- how its murder... abuse... rape.. And then how the person is Depressed, Bi-polar, and has PTSD.
It all hit home. Its all me. But on the TV set.
I can't stop myself from crying. And my room-mates don't understand whats wrong.
  • Its the fact that I just had an abortion in Janurary.
  • Its the fact that I had been abused all my life up intil Janurary.
  • Its the fact that my father had raped me a total of 11 times through out my life. and the fact that I had I had been raped again by a supposed mentor. thats 12 rapes.
  • Then the medical issues of me being depressed, Bi-polar, and having PTSD.
It all hit home. Hearing about it sometimes just hurts. Talking about my past is even worse. but sometimes i have to with my councler.... and thats uber hard.
I'm sorry. I just hade to vent. i g2g. the foof calls. and i must go cry.
I didn't realize it had already been reposted. sorry.
Tags: abortion, abuse in the news, abuse: child, abuse: incest, abuse: sexual, bipolar disorder, depression, ptsd, seeking support

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