painstainedeyes (painstainedeyes) wrote in _survivors_,
painstainedeyes
painstainedeyes
_survivors_

Just a bit further in depth...

Just in case this is triggering I will put my story behind an LJ cut...

It all started when I was born. My mother got pregnant from a one night stand. (doesn't surprise me). Then she got ahold of my father because she knew his sister, so a couple weeks/months whatever she told him she was pregnant. He started dating her then he married her just because she was pregnant. After I was born they fought all the time and he beat her, all the time. I saw it everyday from the time I came home from the hospital up until the day he walked out of my life. Sometimes one of them would get mad enough at each other to take it out on me. Go figure. Then When I was 3 my cousin started staying with my mother and he'd sleep in my room (he was 9 or 10). At night time he would start touching me and kissing me teaching me how to do all these things no 9 or 10  year old should know how to do, let alone a 3 year old. He continued this until I was 5 years old. Then my mom got married to this other guy and his son that was my age did the same thing to me until they got divorced 2-3 weeks later. Then my moms friends son who was older than me, didn't touch me but would take my clothes off to look at me and he made me do the same thing to him. I finally said something when I was 7 to someone and they automatically told me I was lying and blamed someone else. So, then that whole issue was done and over with by times I was 9 and by then, that following September my Grand-mother died. I was devistated, but shit happens. Then my friend's steph father started making moves to me, it started out just telling me things that turned him on and so forth. Then by the time I was 11 he was having sex with me AND his step-daughter. So that stopped when I was 12 because he was too afraid I was going to start my period and get pregnant. When I was 13 I was at my cousins house and her and her boyfriend where fighting so I went on a walk. This guy in a blue truck stopped me and tried to rape me in brod daylight. I fought back and hurt him so he stopped and drove off. I walked back and my cousin called the police but nothing ever happened. After that I was in abusive relationships with boyfriends and my mom would sometimes hit me and make up lies and shit. So I tried to commit suicide at 13..  After that I pretty much got into drugs and alcohol pretty heavilily. At 14 my brothers friend had sex with me while I slept and I woke up during it, and he was charged and went to jail. At 16 I moved out on my own with some friends and had a party and got pretty wasted. I went down stairs to my room and woke up with this 25 year old guy touching me. I told him to stop but he didn't listen, eventually I passed out crying. The following Monday I told my school nurse and told her what happened and she told me it was my fault because I put my self in the position by being drunk, so I never pressed charges or talked about it. Finally I moved back home and told my mother about my friends step father and she didn't believe me and told me i was lying. The police got involved and he was found guilty. My mother cried for days appologizing to me. I just recently told her about the party and she told me I was lying again.. so I have come to accept what has happened and I am getting further treatment.
Tags: abuse: child, abuse: csa, domestic violence, rape: attempted, rape: substance-induced
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