Critter (banka_flavored) wrote in _survivors_,

Something that pisses me off

A while ago, when a friend of mine said she was raped. Her friend (or ex friend) was angry at her over non rape related issues. A whole drama mess i will not get into. But i had become involved and was defending my friend. (I've learned since to not get so involved with drama, but it was something i experienced that this person had done to the other that made me uncomfortable and felt the need to defend her). Anyway. After talking with this person on and off. She had brought up that my friend had a crush on her boyfriend. And that she didn't really believe she was raped, because if something like that happened to HER, she wouldn't rush out to have sex with someone else. As if when your raped, wanting to have sex soon after isn't logical, but put in different words. I replied telling her that i was raped, and that soon after being raped i made decisions to sleep with various men. Feeling that i could try to erase the memory of what had happened to me by having newer sexual experiences, which only made it worse. And that rape victims react differently to what has happened to them and sometimes do not make the right and safe decisions for themselves. They just do what they think will stop the hurting. She never replied back.

It bothers me, it bothers me that people assume how rape victims should react to their experiences. That they should be logical. They don't realize how differently some deal with what has happened to them. That they could be so in shock, they will do whatever it takes to try and erase that feeling or memory. Sometimes its drugs, or cutting, or sleeping with random people. Just because someone is raped, it doesn't mean that the thought of sex should be something they instinctively will run from. Sometimes its the opposite, that sex is what they turn to to try and cope. Not always the best decision, but sometimes its the one some victims make.

I also read some where, that there was a judges deciding in a case where a rape case was dismissed when a victim was found out to have had sex within 72 hours of being raped. I don't know where this article is now, and haven't found it so it may have been lifted. It was in NY i think. But it was dismissed solely on the victims actions. In other words, because the victim had sex close to the time after they were assaulted, then they guess the victim wasn't truly that effected by it enough to make a case out of it. Don't quote me on this, because i forgot the exact details of the issue. Only that i remember the general run down and was appalled by it. A rape victims mental stability isn't the best, people shouldn't assume how a victim should react. How they feel, or what they will do. And it pisses me off when people assume how it should go. I'm sure many victims were afraid of sex, or some later on. But like i said, some run to it as a crutch, and then maybe later become afraid of it. It all works differently depending on the situation or how a victim reacts. It pisses me off when people assume.
Tags: promiscuity, rape, victim-blaming

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