Smashleen. (alekaattic) wrote in _survivors_,

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ok ok, i know ive already had my rant today, but there are things that just arent clicking in my head.

the Sven saga, the never-ending story of 'the ex'... the dreaded ex! this is why i wanted to avoid getting sexually AND emotionally involved with someone, because eventually the emotion does run out, and i just feel numb. i wouldnt have minded us breaking up so much if it werent for the manner in which he did it.
we just drifted apart over a month after being so close, and we had 'the power of love' with all our "i love you so much... i wanna be with you forever..." blah blah blah then all of a sudden, he just stops caring. makes me wonder if he ever cared at all.
it was lust, it was all an illusion... he minipulated me to get what he wanted and, i dunno, its like molestation all over again. i believed his lies, believed he cared so much and wasnt using me. he knew about my past, he knew what i'd been through and still felt the need to hurt me.

but i think he's realising now, he's trying to be my friend, but i dunno if its all going to work. i was just some poor lovesick sex toy. joy.

i know guys like him arent worth my time, but i want him back in my life so badly. i have this weird attachment to people who torture me and make me feel so empty inside. for a long time i was happy, but now, i just don't know.
Tags: manipulation
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