serve_the_lord (serve_the_lord) wrote in _survivors_,

I had a nightmare last night.

I was at my boyfriend's house. He was at work, and I was lying on his bed drinking wine and watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I drank the entire bottle because I was upset that I had ignored my phone all day - I felt like I should have answered the phone for my friends, but I desperately didn't want to talk to anyone. I was really upset, and I cn't for the life of me figure out why.

I finished the bottle, threw it in the trash, and went to sleep.

I had a nightmare that I was being raped by a man. His face was clouded, so I coudn't make out who it was. It freaked me out, though, even in the dream, and I'm sure the wine distorted my emotions and influenced the terror.

My boyfriend woke me up when he got home. I've never seen him that scared. He kept asking what had happened, and I told him that I had a bad dream. He said that I was yelling "I'm sorry I'm sorry" over and over in my sleep, and it frightened his roommates. I'm embarrassed not only because I screamed so loudly, but also because from the moment I woke up at 11:30 that night to 2:00 in the morning, I couldn't stop throwing up.  I also, strangely enough, woke up without any clothes on. I don't remember taking them off, although I may have been too drunk to remember much of anything.

I guess I'm just upset.  I haven't seen my boyfriend's roommates, but I don't know what to say to them should they ask what happened. My friends are irritated with me because I didn't pick up the phone, after I told them that I wanted to go out and do something this weekend. Even though no actual plans were made, I feel guilty. I stayed home from school today, just watching television and trying to remember why I was so scared. I haven't told my boyfriend the content of the dream - I don't see the need to.

Has anyone else had this experience? Felt so depressed for no reason that you drank yourself into a stupor and had horrible nightmares as a consequence? What do I do? How do I make them go away?
Tags: nightmares, substance/drug abuse
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