grandiloquence (spiffychicky) wrote in _survivors_,

I have this fear.
I tend to think a lot about the future, just because... well it's certainly more entertaining than the present. I'm afraid that what was done to me will shape me as a person.
I know the whole "well, a person IS the summation of their experiences, but really it's how you REACT to it" spiel.
It's definitely one of the reasons I surpressed the rape for so long. If no one, or very few people knew, then I could pretend it didn't happen and then maybe it wouldn't be part of me. But here it is. Now it's a part of me, out in the open.
How will this affect me as I grow up? Will I suffer from emotional disorders? Depression? Is that a choice, or is it inevitable. What can I DO to just lead the life I would have lead had this not happened to me?
Questions like this plague me. I hate that they have to. I hate that I'll never ever know what kind of person I would've been had ONE SINGLE NIGHT of my life not happened.
Tags: venting
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