Rachel Grace (invisiblepast) wrote in _survivors_,
Rachel Grace
invisiblepast
_survivors_

My dad and I got in a fight last night. It was really intense... I was crying, screaming, and scratching my face up with my fingernails. I just couldn't handle it. It didn't break the skin, but now, a little less than a day later, there's still red marks. He tried to hit me...

My dad and I just got in another fight. It got me really upset, because in all honesty, I did nothing wrong. My mother was even getting mad at my dad, because he was yelling at me for no reason. We were talking about our future Europe trip, and I said that it wouldn't be the best idea to go between Junior-Senior year, because of the work load and the college trips I need to take. And then he started screaming at me, telling me that I think my opinion is the only one that matters, et cetera, et cetera.

Things are just getting so bad here. I'm at the point where I'm about ready to pack up and leave, except I have nowhere to go, and I don't have enough money to make it on my own.

I'm trying so hard to make our relationship right, but every time I do something that's meant to be kind, he twists it into me having some hidden agenda.

I need to cry so badly.

Well, I have been crying... but what I mean is, I need to cry on my own, not when somebody hurts me so bad that I start to.

He hates me. He honestly does.

I'm sitting here now, the words from this summer playing over and over in my head, "I'm ashamed that you're my daughter"... again and again...

And I think I feel that shame...
Tags: abuse: physical, abuse: verbal
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