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_Survivors_
A safe space to share stories and ask questions
oh god I am an ass 
26th-Oct-2006 11:43 am
My partner and I talked about therapy. I asked if she had called anyone on the list and she said no, she keeps forgetting. I asked if there was anything making her hesitate, and she repeated that she just forgets. Then she started making up an excuse about how she doesnt even know if she should be thinking about that now because winter is coming and our heat bills will be rising. I called her on that because we go out to eat several times a week and drop more than what the copay would cost. She said good point and said she'd call.
The next day we were out driving and I brought up something I had been thinking about my therapy and my anger. This lead her to bring up finding one herself. She said she didn't want to call until we were sure she was covered. I've been paying for insurance for both of us for 3 months and she is in the university records, we just haven't recieved new insurace cards. So I assumed she is covered and I got defensive about her making what I thought to be more excuses. I was panicy and got mad. I asked if once I called HR she would call a therapist. "Maybe" was her answer.
We didn't have a fight, but we had a strong conversation about how its discouraging and it is easy for me to take this as another procrastination when she is already avoiding her student loans and procrastinating on calling the university to finalize the degree for her paperwork. We ended it with us both quiet and her saying she'd call. Within an hour we were talking again and had a decent night playing cards. Only slight tension.

So today I called HR and the university has record of her, they have been charging me, but the insurance provider never got notified to add her. Now I feel like an ass, she was right about that point. It makes me feel bad for treating it like another excuse (though it may really have been an avoidance tactic). Who knows. Blah. I want to balance on the fine line of motivating her to get help without being a bully.

And my boss sent me a bad email today, so I'm not doing so hot. This week has really gotten me wound up. Gotta keep it in check so I don't do things to wind myself up any tighter.
Comments 
26th-Oct-2006 06:42 pm (UTC)
I have similar struggles when someone's avoidance tactic was right. Yes, it's a valid point (and it turned out to be a correct point), but it was also likely just something that was distracting her - something to focus on because she was nervous about finding a therapist. It might have very well been an unconscious avoidance tactic (as so many avoidance things are)

I'm glad that it was on the strong conversation end of things instead of feeling like an argument. Strong conversations are usually productive - especially since this one led to you being able to straighten things out with the insurance company.

That line is a tough one to stay on-balance with (I constantly struggle with it), but I think you're doing a great job. You come here to vent when you know you're getting wound up - which gives you more energy to replenish yourself :)
27th-Oct-2006 03:15 am (UTC)
sending you lots of hugs.
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