Sepia_Lies (sepia_lies) wrote in _survivors_,

Long Rant, Mild language.

So Who wants to hear about my day? 

So lets start off with that I slept maybe 5 hours. And Sophia needs 6 min. to function, but not my point. 
So I go to school, and fall asleep in AP Art History...watchin a movie on "Ancient Roman and Greek Architecture". Most thrilling movie btw. Who the fuck can sit there and enjoy a movie on Corinthian Collums is beyond me. My 17 year old attention span is not going to do that though.
Anyway so while im sleeping my good buddie Marco decides to draw on me. And I felt him..but I didnt care to move him off. So he was drawing Nazi signs and "KKK" on me and I love Black people (for lack of offensive word)" on ym arms. So I woke up and didnt look and the day goes on and Marcos laughing at me. I finally looked at to find out why.
So than day goes on fine
But I miss my bus.
And its snowing and like 30 flippin degress out and I freeze me balls off...
So than I have to go downtown to see my aunt becuae my mom is picking me up from her work becuase I have to go see one of my therapist. So Im hungry, becuase Ive been on an Anorexic kick and I havent been eating much at all. Sunday I ate a cheeseburger the whole day. So you see my point. I did it so my mom wouldnt start notcing something and be like..Why arent you eating. Just basically to save myself some drama.I dont need that now.
Anyway so I have no money and I go ask my aunt for some so I can buy a sandwich or something. She had 2$ and I had im like...well ok. So I go walk up the street and just to my luck im a dollar short of what I need to get a pb&j. Figues.
So fuck that I ate Flamin Hots and A Pepsi. It works. 
So than my mom picks me up, we go to see my therapist Gywnne. Anyway so I didnt want to be there in the first place. I was just really...not liking my day and I had a bad previous week anyway and Im ganna get my period tomorrow so my back hurts and im hungry and sick and ugh. Not a happy camper. SO I go into her office, sit and stare. Shes like How are you? Fine. How are you feeling. Fine. Ect.
Im sitting there and so jittery and quick to answer questions, giving fake smiles and Im thinking..omg Im ganan cry. She has to just chill. Im not ok But I dont want to talk about it. Im ganna cry. Oh god why did I get up today? Please just let me go home. I miss ANdrew omg Im ganan cry. The whole time im teary. Than we tlak about my mom.
For anyone who has been following my story. I hate my mother. I hold her accountable for everything that has been done to me.I JUST.. cant.
So I stop abd im looking out the window becuase Im starting to cry...and shes like..Ok Sophia..whats wrong. ANd I lose it and Im crying...ugh. Cried for the rest of the session. She knows im not ok. She knows I havent been eating. She knows I miss Andrew like hell, and right now I need him to function but it cant be that way so im running just on me alone. Ugh.....
So I leave..and im still crying on the way home and Than the car runs out of gas on the highway,
I kid you not.
So we had to sit there for 20 mins adn I was already late for work, but I called in before to say I would be in at 7, than called back at 645 to say id be in as soon as I could. So I hang up..and omfg theres a Cop behind us. Apparently its illegal to pull off on the side of the road in a two lane 60 mph freeway...
We didnt get a ticket, but a strong warning to get ourselves out of that situation.
So I get to work..blah blah and leave at 10pm. That was my fucking day.

I dont know either to cry or laugh.
I feel like shit. ANd I just want to...dissapear.
Tags: eating disorder, seeking support, therapy, venting

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