versions_of_me (versions_of_me) wrote in _survivors_,

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Is it wrong to feel okay when things are only "alright"?

My life is not the greatest, I have my dissorders and I deal with them, but as we all know, sometimes are easier than others... My simple question is this...Am I wrong for feeling "alright" when things aren't okay, but convenient. Love is out of the question, and a relationship is unworkable...Friends, co-workers and family tell me to walk away and let it go before I really end up hurting myself, but the reality is, I know the situation. I know the details, and the full hearted, honest truth of every aspect of the friendship. At first I was distressed and always crying over the fact that such a person was never going to love me, until I realized, i'm happier that he won't. I like him now, and I think a boyfriend would be great, but I also know if he were in fact my boyfriend, i'd want things to go back to the way they are now...Cause that's just how I am. I am alright knowing we barely hang out (we live far away from one another) and we talk every day as friends. None of it bothers me. I know there is no real future with this, it's just convenient for the both of us. (Don't get the wrong impression...we don't do "it") My only objection is when a relationship is brought up... not only is it "It couldn't work" but he makes me feel bad about it. "Not only could it not work, but I mean I think about it, but how could it? You're here, i'm here" so on and so fourth...he brings up every aspect of why something couldn't work, instead of how it possibly could. He is a positive person, much more so than myself, but when the subject is brought up...he continues on without knowing it until i'm nearly in tears. I get quiet and can barely speak, sometimes I say I need to go, then I just cry. But when it isn't mentioned...I'm okay with the way things are, it doesn't bother me because like I said, i'm "content". I know it's never good to be with someone simply because you're lonely...But...I don't want to be with someone. I am not far enough along in my recovery to be with anyone, therefore, why can't his convenient company be alright?
Tags: relationships, seeking opinions

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